Kimberly Achelis Hoggan (Authentic Self Yoga LLC)

BELIEVE

2012-01-31T15:51:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my good friend and teacher Jen Hecht about my "trust yourself" class (see earlier blog). She then gave me a wonderful qoute from Elena Brower:

"BELIEVE in yourself. BELIEVE that you chose the right family, and the perfect parents for your mission. BELIEVE that all the people around you are your teachers, here to show you the way. BELIEVE that you’re able to handle everything that comes to you. BELIEVE that you will get an answer whenever you really ask. BELIEVE that you can have every conversation elegantly. BELIEVE that you are on the correct trajectory to your highest freedom every time you tell the truth."- Elena Brower

Trust Yourself

2012-01-31T10:32:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about how important it is for me to trust and believe in myself. Yes, it is important for me to listen to other opinions and take suggestions but ultimately I am the one who has to live with my decisions. Trusting myself is also a big way I build up my self confidence.

My yoga teachers give me ques but they are not commands they are suggestions. Some of these suggestions don't feel appropriate to my body and I trust that I know best. For example, lotus pose (padmasana). If I fold my legs placing each ankle on my hips with my soles of the feet facing up I am pretty confident that I will be doing more harm to my knees then I would be doing good for my hips. So I trust myself to go just far enough that I can work toward the pose safely for me.

In yoga asana classes we get to sequentially move through poses. Training our body to hold the alignment with stability. We learn to trust our self in simpler poses and then over time we find our self doing more complex poses with confidence and ease.

Yoga is an invitation to deepen our relationship with our self. Learning to become receptive, listing, and trusting our self. In my experience when I trust myself, its easier for me to trust others and trust in the universe, even when a situation feels incredibly challenging I try to have faith that it will work our and help me heal. However when I fall into doubting myself pretty soon I am doubting everything and I live from a place of fear.

I used trust as a theme for this morning class at Avenues Yoga working up to handstands. Focus was on alignment for hands and arms, mainly expanding spiral. The picture on the right is my class plan and a picture of Chin mudra, which is the hand posture of index finer nail to the thumb. The index finger represents the individual bowing to the thumb representing supreme consciousness/ higher self. When I catch myself feeling scared or full of doubt I will (if i remember) take this hand posture to remind myself that I can trust my higher power.

Namaste

2012-01-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

Namaste is said in greeting and in parting in India and Nepal. It is also said frequently in the yoga community often at the end of a yoga asana classes. I often translate Namaste to mean "the divine light in me bow to and honors the same divine light in you".

As a yoga student and a yoga teacher I have been saying this sacred word to students and teachers for many years. But recently it has been feeling more meaningful ripe with appreciation. When I say namaste and bow my head to my teacher I think "I am so grateful grateful grateful to you and everything I have learned from you." I pause in full thanks for the teacher and for the tradition of yoga that has been passed down though the years. When I bow my head to my students I go through each student and silently say the students name, cultivate gratitude for them, and send them a personalized prayer wishing them well.

Here is a fun story I came upon doing research on Namaste:

Einstein would read the newsreels fascinated and intrigued by Gandhi, who often had his hands folded in front of his heart (anjali mudra). Einstein wrote Gandhi to ask what he was saying and Gandhi responded, Namaste. Einstein again wrote inquiring what that word meant. Gandhi responded, "I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the place in you of light, love, truth, peace and wisdom. I honor the place in you where, when you are in that place, and I am in that place, there is only one of us". How wonderful that these two great minds were drawn together by this word!

What Seperates Us Connects Us

2012-01-21T14:37:00.000-08:00

http://www.skillstat.com/heartscape/chambers.htm

I took a wonderful class from Adam Ballenger this morning. He used an example of an anatomical heart, talking about the walls that separate the heart into four chambers (right atrium, right ventricle, left atrium, left ventricle). He pointed out that these wall that separate also connect these chambers together.

http://www.things-to-make-and-do.co.uk/fabric-and-sewing/

I liked this example of how what separates also connects. I thought about patches sewn together. The stitching does separate the two patches but it also connects the patches together.

I once heard John Friend talk about how it is normal for us to look around and see what separates us from others. That is a stage in child development, being able to see what is different from me and you. See that person is black, that person is tall, that person is male, that person is has an accent... These things also connect us too. We all have a color, we all have a size, we all have a sex, we all make speak.

Yoga can be defined as union.

~~Separation~~ Connection

Beauty and The Beast

2012-01-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I went to see Beauty and The Beast in theaters re-released in 3D. (I laughed as I paid 8.50 for a matinee movie that I own in VHS.) I love this classic Disney movie. I love being remind of the teaching that beauty is inside. That I should work on connecting to the beauty that is inside of me instead of on the surface. That I should look for this inner beauty in lovers, family, friends and strangers. I am reminded that my yoga postures and my students have so much beauty inside even if it isn't the full version of the pose.

In the movie the beast is so disconnected from his own inner beauty that he can not even look at himself in the mirror without flying into rage. Being a lover of alignment I made a few observations... The Beast is hunched over, with his shoulders rounded forward and unplugged from his heart. However when he can love someone and they can love him and he becomes a prince again, he stands up tall (side bodies long) his shoulders are drawn back (head of arm bones back) his shoulders are broad (inner body bright) and his heart is lifted (shoulder loop).

I used this as a theme for a few classes. Doing strong shoulder work leading up to some big heart openers. Lots of side bodies long, head of the arm bones back, tips of shoulders into heart, and hyoid bone back. In my Monday class at The Yoga Center we partnered up for Urdhva Danurasana holding onto ankles. In my Tuesday class at Avenues Yoga. We went a bit deeper in Urdhva. After watching and observing the students urdhva's, I showed a quick demo on how rolling further forward onto the forehead (after pressing up to the top of the head) gives a greater ability to lengthen the side bodies, plug the arm bones back, and shoulder loop. This combo takes me into such a powerful place to press up. I let them know they were all doing the actions of lengthening and plugging the arm bones back, they were doing it so well I offered another refinement.

Images: http://www.usdvdsale.com/Beauty-and-the-Beast-Special-Edition-DVD-(Disney)-107.html

http://www.mousecomedy.com/2010/10/beauty-and-beast-return-of-curse/

Anusara Invocation

2012-01-14T13:37:00.000-08:00

Check out one of my teachers from Salt Lake City Matt Newman, Co-owner of Prana Yoga. in this short video Matt teaches and translates the Anusara Invocation and then he plays his harmonium beautifully and sings this prayer.

I got a harmonium and have been practicing the SARGUM scale and the invocation. It is challenging for me to play an instrument and sing. Its like patting my head and circling a hand on my stomach. But I am loving feeling my home with these sounds.

Light

2012-01-10T09:59:00.000-08:00

There is a light inside of us that is always shining that can never be diminished and is NOT dependent on anything. I often think that my past behaviors have lessened or extinguished my light, but that is not the Truth. Nothing I could ever do could lessen the light inside of my heart. This is one of the many gift the practice has given me. I can now see that I have a light that is always shining peace, bliss, and love. I know that the light is within me even on my most depressed horribly tragic days. I have yet to be feeling miserable and say to myself "how about you just shift to feeling the peace and bliss inside yourself" and than I whala! am happy, however I do remind myself of this although I still experience the variety of emotions I still know what resides inside of me.

Christina Sell used a great example of money, "You can take a dollar bill, crumple it up, stomp on it and even send it through the washer, and still that dollar bill maintains its value. So, too, as we examine our own history and the ways we may have been crumpled, stomped on and put through the rinse cycle more than a few times and still we remain valuable." This brings me comfort!

I used the example of a lamp while teaching this week. The light bulb shines light and emits a radiant brightness. There is a shade to cover the bulb which makes the light appear less bright. I like to think of the shade as my mood. What commonly happens is I miss my light and connect instead with my mood. When I am sad I connect with that sad feeling. When I am happy I connect with that happy feeling. When I just see the shade my mood bounces around like a ball in a pin ball machine. I am learning to see that the light is always present shining behind my mood, and to recognize and start connecting with the light more. When I am practicing this I remain more stable because instead of hoping around from lamp shade to lamp shade I am connecting to the essence of the light bulb that shines behind any color of shade.

This reminds me of the last two lines of the Anusara Invocation + translation from JF:

Nisprapancaya Shantaya

Niralambaya Tejase

Is never absent, full of peace

Ultimately free and sparkles with a divine luster

Meditation: drenched in PEACE

2012-01-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

When I sit for meditation and my mind stops spinning as fast, I begin to get this feeling of peace, of "every thing s going to be okay". After being soaked in that feeling when I come out of meditation I still carry some of that residue. That clarity of knowing at a very deep level that I am okay and I am loved. I haven't figured out why I feel this way in meditation and I don't think it is important that I find out. What matters is that I feel it and I tap into it.

When I am living life I accumulate doubt, indecision, insecurities and FEAR. These feelings make me question: Should I meditate in the evening? Am I wasting my time? If I act on these feelings and don't meditate I experience these feelings more intensely. When I miss a mediation these feeling run rampid. As a result it is likely I will miss my next meditate and this continues. These fears can prevent me from mediating for a few days or weeks. I feel like my life is a blur of anxiety and I don't know why. Then I meditate and feel that peace I have been seeking outside of myself for. However, the longer I go without meditating the longer I need to sit before my mind stops spinning.

What I am learning is that I have to meditate no matter what. I meditate in the morning and in the evening. I meditate even when I really really don't want to. Because I know that not meditating, not getting drenched in that power, that is what makes my life crazy. If I do miss a meditation I try to recognize it and start my routine of regular meditation again.

My main intention for 2012 is to cultivate a better relationship with my higher power. I think the way to do that is through meditation. Therefore I am making meditating a huge priority. My other intention for the year is to cultivate better relationships with my family members (not that it isn't good but I want to make more time for them in my life). I think this will organically happen as I meditate more.

OPEN TO GRACE

2011-12-31T09:17:00.000-08:00

In yesterdays class with Adam he talked about the new year ad about meditation. He suggested in meditation that we think of what we want and we deconstruct it. One thing he said that really grabbed me was, think about what will make you happy. Not happy when every thing is going good and you are in a good marriage, job, house. But what will make you happy if your in a bad job, an bad house, your kid is annoying. What will make you happy then. Use that as your intention. Cultivate that in your mediation practice.

So I have been sitting with this a few hours. I have added some situations that would seem like the end of the world to me. Like my marriage breaks, my dog dies, I get fat, I loss a family member, I loss my apartment, I end up homeless... What would make me happy then. It took a little time to get there, mainly re opening myself from the constricting thinking of that will never happen to me, or if it does I could never be happy. But once those layers came off the answer was clear. Having a better relationship with my higher power (Grace, God, Shiva...). Having a good relationship with my God is one of the only things I see that could help me still see the light and be happy if all the shit hit the fan. This is what I want to cultivate. Its the first principle of Anusara Yoga, OPEN TO GRACE.

LIGHT- Elena Brower Speakeasy at Wanderlust VA in 2011

2011-12-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

This is one of the most amazing talks I have watched. I love Elena Brower. She teaches truth. She talks about things I experience but am to afriad to say.

Leaving behind in 2011 and heading towards in 2012 + mantras

2011-12-30T18:46:00.000-08:00

The end of one year and the start of the next calender year is a good time to contemplate on the past looking at what you want to let go of and leave behind in 2011 ("from") as well as what you want to cultivate and head towards in 2012 ("to").

My to and from's:
from selfish to selfless service
from impatience to patience
from my will to god's will (opening to GRACE)
from lies to true
from fear to vulnerability
from flightiness to steadiness
from drinking to sobriety
from self hate to self LOVE
from yoga to ANUSARA-INSPIRED yoga teacher

One of my favorite people and teachers Elena Brower's to and from's:
from being a slave to my memory - to REMEMBRANCE of my Divinity
from Commentary to Effortless Vortex
from Everything 'Yoga' to Making Space for New Understanding
from Temperamental Tripper to Brilliant Calm
from Defenses to Softness
(Want more of Elena? Check out art of attention and her mindful smack video blog)

While you are thinking moving from and to here are two mantras to use that Adam Ballenger taught this morning in his class.

To let go of. This mantra can be used with something specific in mind or in general:
Om Pat Swaha Swaha Swaha

To cultivate. This mantra is used with something specific in mind:
Namah Shivaya Namah Shivaya Namah Shivaya Namo Namaha

Virabhadrasna 1 & 2 & 3

2011-12-27T16:38:00.000-08:00

These past three weeks I have been teaching virabhadrasana poses. Read the Virabhadra story on this blog post.

The first week we worked warrior one. I told the story of virabhadra in the beginning. Vira one comes from the action of the warrior Virabhadra (incarnated out of Shiva's hair) busting up from the earth and into the party that Darksha (Shiva's father in law and ruler of the cosmos) party. This represents arriving with an intention and have an intention. My main intention is to be loving and tolerant to myself and others, and to be happy. This pose is challenging for me. I remember when I was first started practicing yoga I was instructed to go into and out of first warrior pose with in a breath or two. When I started teaching I also instructed in this way. Later on I started to study the alignment of the pose. Like the old saying goes "ignorance is bliss". Now days I rarely teach this pose in class and have to push myself to include it in my personal practice. So warrior one week we really worked. Lots of lunge variations getting the hips squared. Towards the end we did some calf smashing work (rolling up a blanket and sticking it behind the knees). This I find helps tremendously to get the heal to the ground.

The second week we worked on second warrior pose. I again summarized the Virabhadra story focusing on the action that we name our warrior two pose after, which is when Virabhadra scans the crowd looking for Darksha. This represents that we have to look through our life and see where we are acting in ways that don't reinforce the intention. The example I gave for myself is road rage. My intention is to be loving and tolerant of others, and looking at my life (just like Virabhadra looks around the party) I see that when I drive and get all worked up and frustrated because someone is driving slow. That is not reflecting my intention. We did lots of work on finding expanding spiral (inner spiral) on the back leg, keeping that expansion and then doing contracting spiral (out spiral) on the front leg. That's the hard part for me, maintaining an action while performing the next. I also had the students partner up for warrior 2 with one person doing the posture while the other one is by the back leg with one hand on the shin pressing in and the other hand on the inner thigh pressing out (this is the alignment principle shins in thighs out). The students seemed to enjoy partnering which makes me smile.

This week we are working on warrior 3. Again I summarized the story focusing on the third action the warrior makes which is beheading Darksha. Wow how extreme! Beheading is an intense way of looking at this, I prefer to think of it as letting go of. We set out intention (warrior one), we look through our life (warrior two), and we let go of what no longer is serving us (warrior three). This is such an appropriate time to be doing this as New Year is right around the corner and the cold dark weather is such an invitation to turn within. We can reflect on what we want to let go of, as well as what we want to cultivate for 2012. I took a class from Adam Ballenger last week and he was talking about how important it is that we let go of things to make room for the many gifts that life is always giving us. We did lots of muscular energy drawing in from the periphery to the core for stability and inner spiral work on the back leg to keep the hips square, and drawing the waistline in. It was fun I think the students really enjoyed it.

It was really fun teaching like this, having a plan for three weeks. I teach multiple classes a week and I didn't teach the same class twice. But I did use the same apex pose and same antidote of the Virabhadra myth. For more advanced classes I made them work harder and pointed out more refinements and for more beginner or stiffer bodies classes we moved a little slower focusing more on the general shape of the pose.

My birthday

2011-12-25T22:27:00.000-08:00

It was my birthday on Thursday the 22nd. I turned 24 years old. This was one of my most connected birthday, I started the day with a long meditation. I got together and practiced yoga asana with some close friends. It was lovely. We did 24 urdhva drop backs, did pigeon droppings (camel drop backs), and urdhvas to ustanasana back and forth... my quads are still soar. I wanted to work into sirsasana tick tocks and manadalasana but it wasn't the right time. I finished making presents (organic bath scrub infused with essential oils). I got to spend time with my younger sister who is visiting from Colorado. Later a new friend of mine threw me a small birthday bash, with yummy food, and great people. One of my favorite highlights from the party was being serenaded by Julian Moons outstanding voice and guitar skills (check her out).

My mom and I were discussing my age yesterday and how I used to be quite shy and embarrassed about my years or lake there of. I have been teaching yoga since I was 18, I felt like my students would treat me differently when they found out this "secret". I remember if students found out it was my birthday and asked me how old I was I would say "I prefer not to say". This is the first year that I shared more about my birthday and didn't feel fear of being viewed differently because I am young. Isn't it funny how things like age (or weight, wealth, ethnicity, music preference, style...) can make us feel separate from others and unworthy. It can feel so real, but if I take a step back I can smile and realize my ______ doesn't make me less worthy.

My friend JD talked last week about yoga being an invitation to know our self more fully. I have boticed in my own practice that in getting to know myself more fully and I am more accepting of myself and more open to sharing about my life both the ups and the downs. He also read a portion of Marianne Williamsons poem saying "it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us". I love this quote it sends a shiver down my body and tears to my eyes. Here is more from Williamsons book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The Conventional and the Alternative Unite

2011-12-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

Guest Blogger Allison Brooks shared this article with me to post on my blog. She is a recent college graduate and a holistic health nut! She aim's to enlightne people about the benegits of natural and integrative therapies. Enjoy.
How doctors are prescribing mind-body therapies

When a person begins to think about forms of medicine, many subjects come to mind. There are conventional, allopathic, alternative, complementary, and integrative therapies and the list can go on. All these divisions have different attitudes of the other, and normally are in two separate areas where they are never talked about with the other. But now the tides are changing, and a recent study shows that one in every 30 Americans was using a mind-body therapy (MBT) because their health-care provider suggested it. This is a big step for integrative therapies, but the only hindrance is that doctors prescribed MBT too late and the full effects cannot be felt.

A group of researchers from the Deaconess Medical Center (BIDMC) and Harvard Medical School recently studied the amount of people that practice mind-body therapies voluntarily and prescribed. They were intrigued by their findings, and relate the rise in MBT acceptance to the transparency of data findings in clinical trials that support the use of mind-body therapies.

To collect data, researchers surveyed 23,000 U.S. households and found that nearly 6.3 million Americans (about 3 percent of the population) practiced MBT, like yoga, meditation, and touch therapies, because their doctors suggested it. Though this seems like a win for the complementary and alternative medicine side, there is one glitch; the people that were prescribed MBT were actually sicker and used a conventional treatment facility more than a person that voluntarily practiced.

This made researchers and everyone reading scratches their heads. How could an MBT that shows all these positive outcomes, leave somebody still sick? The conclusion made by the researchers was that the clinicians prescribed the MBT too late, sort-of like a last resort options when the conventional therapies failed. This will lead into another thesis, “will the adoption of an MBT early in treatment reduce the treatment time and promote healing”? Some claim that earlier use would help with treatment, and would lead to better outcomes for patients and rely less on the health care system.

Though the effects of mind-body therapies are nothing new for the readers of this blog, it is good to have science promoting their use. The use of complementary and alternative therapies in integrative medical facilities has been widely used, but now maybe a direct plan from the start of treatment will be adopted. Now an easier, less painful, and faster treatment can be implemented for chronic conditions and deathly cancers, like pancreatic cancer or mesothelioma. So far, many people swear by the effects of min0body therapies and other complementary and alternatives medicines.

Allison Brooks

Thank you Allison for sharing your love and knowledge with us. <3 Kimberly

Holiday Present

2011-12-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

Here is my holiday present to you! (Possibly a present you can give to others) I hope if helps you find different ways to connect back to you heart on your path.

Here is a list of main heartfelt qualities/ intentions that we want to cultivate in our self and our students. (I got this list from The Anusara Yoga teacher Training Manual)
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Kindness Playfulness Joy Non-clinging

Spaciousness Gratitude Yield Devotion

Discrimination Willpower Compassion Steadfastness

Courage Patience Contentment Sensitivity

Endurance Resilience Gentleness Concentration

Mindfulness Surrender Humility Softness

Acceptance Enthusiasm Forbearance Love

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Use these intentions to connect more fully with your heart. They are heart-based feelings that can provide guidance.

Enjoy and many smiles to you,

Kimberly Achelis Hoggan-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copy these words into a word document and insert a table around them (so you get nice squares, couldnt ge the format to work in blogger) print these out on thick colorful pieces of paper, cut out the words and put them in a cute little sack along with the instruction card. This is my gift to you since I can give you one in person. They also make great mindful presents to hand out to others during the holidays.

I keep mine in a little box on my alter and draw a card almost daily.

Many blessing, lots of love and smiles
Ho Ho Ho
Kim

meditate and breath

2011-12-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

During the holidays I find my mind wondering all over the place. To help myself stay balanced and calm during this often hectic season I have been practicing pranayama minimum 10 mins a day. Normally a combo of Nadi Shodhana and Kapalbhati (great heating breath during the cold winter months). Here is a pranayama blog post I wrote a few weeks ago for more breathing techniques. I also meditate 20 minutes 2 times a day. It is always my intention to do this, but I often find myself making excuses "I have so much to do, like cleaning the hair out of the drain... better not meditate". During this busy time of the year I have even more excuses not to meditate. But in my experience the more I have to do and the less time I have to meditate is a sure sign that I must mediate or I will turn into a mess. Its not just me that gets upset when I miss my meditation but my family, students, dog, and community all suffer when I don't take time to sit.

So let this be a reminder to meditate and breath!

One year

2011-12-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

On December 06 2010 I came to my husband in tears. I told him that I had an eating disorder and I wanted help. I was sure he would hate me, leave me, yell at me. Instead he held me in his arms and said "he loved me and that things would be okay". Its been a year since that day and things have changed so much. I have been working with a treatment team regularly and they cant believe what a speedy recovery I have had. I often point out a specific meditation I had with my meditation teacher. I felt like I was in a dark cave being shacked. I was scared but I felt this huge surrender. I few tears ran down my checks and he said "God is healing you". I didn't know what to think but I stayed in the meditation. That day effected my recovery so much! Letting a power greater then myself into my life has been huge. As well as being honest to others and letting people help me.

I have mentioned my eating disorder a few times on this blog and I hint at it quite a lot just don't write out the words "eating disorder" instead I write "challenges, difficulties, things that don't serve us". I think every person has something and I think by talking to the bigger picture instead of specific symptoms it is more universal for everyone. It also scares the crap out of me being so honest and vulnerable so I hope to write about it more as a challenge to myself.

That's my update. My life changed so dramatically one year ago and it continues to grow everyday as I remind myself what is truly important to me instead of what is on the superficial layer.

Thanks for reading

Finished Anusara Teacher Training-- My final project-- tears

2011-12-10T12:01:00.000-08:00

I just finished Anusara Teacher Training with Adam Ballenger. Wow happy it is done. These past few weeks I felt very stressed and overwhelmed. I talked to a friend about how I put so much pressure on myself, she reminded me that teaching is a refining practice. That no one expects me to teach the perfect Anusara class, so I should give myself a break. Our final project for TT was to plan a 90 minute class, with a apex pose, a principle of emphasis (P.O.E), and a heart quality. It was a different experience for me. Normally I come up with the class planing the day of or day before I teach. Inspired by my own practice, something I have learned, an experience I had.. So it was different to be planning a class for two months.

At the beginning of the teacher training we talked about our strengths as a teacher. Adam encouraged us to teach from our strength another quality. For example some of my strengths are that I am fun, fiery, and playful. It is easier for me to teach these kinds of classes. Adam said it would be really powerful if I can learn to teach a more serious, or grounded kind of class from my strengths. Not that I would let go of my strengths I don't know if I could let go of my playful attitude if I tried. But Adams point was it would make me a more powerful teachers. I thought hard about this as I planned my final project.

I decided on kindness for my heat quality. Working from the personal to the universal, in the beginning of class I said that it takes effort for me to be kind to myself. that it is much easier for me to be self criticizing, judgemental and rude to myself. However in my experience when I put effort into being my friend rather then being my enemy my life feels lie it goes more smoothly, I am a happier person, and I interact with others in a more meaningful way. I game an example of looking in a mirror, saying "do you look at your reflection like an enemy or a best friend. I would never say some of the things I say to myself that I would say to my friend."

My principle of emphasis was shins in thighs out. The effort to be kind to yourself is shins in. The outer shin muscle tends to be a lot weaker then the inner shin muscles so we used our awareness and effort to engage what I was calling "our kindness muscle" which are really the peroneus longus and peroneus brevis muscles. (These muscles pull the foot outward when we spread our fourth and fitht toes.) The first poses I taught was all about getting the students to experience this action, of shins in. After that was established I started to teach them how with the resistance of shins in they can broaden their thighs out. Just like we only get the expansion and self softening when we put effort in being to being kind to our self. When I am my worst enemy I experience a contraction and a hardening of myself, when I am kind to myself I experience a softening and an expansion.

In one of the many pages of notes I created thinking up this class I had written in big letters. HOME RUN! Where am I going to nail the link of kindness to S.I.T.O? Most of the class my link was emotional but I also wanted to make a literal link of the theme to the heart quality. Adam loves the literal links. My home run was: I pointed out that doing S.I.T.O is a very therapeutic and kind thing you can do for your knees, hips, and low back. (My critique in the end was to link it more, explaining why it is therapeutic. When you draw the shins in and widen the thighs you are aligning the knees in such a great way and you are training your body to be able to hold that alignment. This therapeutic alignment also creates space in the hips and low back that rarely gets the chance to move and often becomes fussed (non movement possible) with age).

The apex pose was parvrita ardha chandrasana chapasana. We moved through some Surya Namaskars while squeezing a block between the shins. Did some lunges. We moved to the wall to get our quads really open, Did splits up the wall and splits on the floor with the foot pushing into the baseboard. We got the hips, legs, shoulders way open.

I had planned planned planned (my main mistake thinking I could be perfect). As the final teacher training approached the more nervous I became. When it was my turn to teach I felt myself freeze up. I have been teaching yoga for five years and have built up some confidence as my role of the yoga teacher. But teaching to a group of teachers and teaching to my main teacher, Adam, was hard for me. As I taught I could feel part of myself go into auto pilot. One of my main auto pilot modes it teaching commentaries instead of actions:

arms circle out around and up vs. reach your arms out around and up
hands frame the foot vs. place your hands so they frame your foot
feet move back as you lower down chataranga vs. step your feet back, bend your elbows and lower down

After I taught the class and got feedback. I did good at: giving the students ways to measure if they were doing the action, clever sequence, fun attitude... Main things to refine were: linking the theme to the principle of emphasis, giving action commands instead of commentaries... Listening to the feedback was great. I love hearing what I am doing good and what I need to work on. While Adam was talking instead of saying "you talked about how it takes effort for you to be kind to you self" he was saying "you talked about how sometimes you are not kind to yourself". Its the same thing but hearing someone else say it that way was hard. It was a vulnerable topic for me to teach, and although I taught it to myself many times, and practiced with my husband. After I got the reviews I felt this wave of emotion hit me.

After the training I went home and sobbed my eyes out. I think this was a combination of things: how vulnerable my topic was, how much effort I put into it, and how I compare myself to others. After one of the other teacher trainees taught their class Adam got excited saying "wow you are so great. I could easily inspire you, Like inspiring you wouldn't be a problem. That was great" so I got it in my head that I really wanted Adam to say that to me. I also think the tears were just a result of a long journey coming to an end, I started the immersions with Adam 2 years ago and I have grown so much as a result of these training. It was a great experience. Adam is such an outstanding teaching I have learned so much from him and am excited to continue to learn from him.

I have all the requirements now to be inspired I just need a Certified Teacher to sign off on my class. I was getting my confidence up to ask Adam. Now I think I will wait.

Blog Report

2011-12-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

My friend and almost Certified Anusara Teacher Leslie Salmon shared a link with me "Blog report". I was so happy to get a list of outstanding yoga blogs that I might not have been in the know about to add to my reading list. I was so excited to see that this blog made it on there. Some days I wonder if anyone reads it, oh the life of a blogger. Big smile on my face!

Joy for the holidays

2011-12-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is certainly upon us. The holidays carry a joyful bhava (bhava is a Sanskrit word meaning "emotional flavor" or "feeling"). However sometimes I feel myself getting disappointed when I experience more stress then I do joy. I have to remind myself that I am already a busy person and when holidays come I try to do so much. If I wake up without much thought and go about my day it is only natural that my emotional flavor will be of stress. Joy is something I have to make my intention and I have to remind myself of that intention everyday. When I keep this in my awareness then even busy moments like holiday shopping or family dinner juggling I can delight in the flavor of joy. How great it is to be around family! How great it is to make offering to the ones I love! Even finding some joy in being stressed (its all part of the pulsation).

Below is one of my favorite quotes from The Yoga of Discipline by Swami Chidvilasananda widely known as Gurumayi an enlightened spiritual master and John Friends Guru:

"The sunrise of supreme bliss shimmers

in every particle of the universe,

so why not drink a fresh cup of JOY every day

and become inspired with new perception?

Remember, love and respect

must be renewed with each dawn."

I have been reminding myself of this quote and have read it in some classes lately. The part that is standing out to me recently is "why not drink a fresh cup of joy every day". This idea that we need to renew these bhava's daily.

Last week in class I focused on twists. Twisting out stress so we can renew our joy each day. I focused on the difference between a twist and a turn. A twist has two counter actions going on, like opening up a pickle jar. If you use one hand and turn the top one direction the whole bottle will move that direction and you wont open the jar. You need to use both hands twisting one hand one direction and the other hand the opposite direction, then wa-la! You can delight in eating your pickles. Same goes when we twist the body, from the belly button up you twist in on direction, and from the belly button down you twist in the opposing direction. I thought twists would be appropriate after thanksgiving festivities.

Gratitude

2011-11-22T13:39:00.000-08:00

Its thanksgiving week so I have been cultivating, thinking, talking, and teaching about Gratitude. I taught a few classes focusing on an aspect of first principle, side bodies long. Having long side bodies gives us more room to fill our self with thanks (and thanksgiving food). We also did some refinement work in the shoulders. One thing I often see is when students lengthen their sides they also take the shoulders up toward the base of the head. This fires the upper trap muscles and adds to stress and tension. We worked on keeping the side bodies long while keeping the neck long, cultivating and holding our self full of gratitude while not adding more stress to our life.

The Velour Music Group and WAnderlust Festival sent an email out that included statements from some of my favorite teachers sharing their thoughts on Gratitude. It was such a pleasure to read I wanted to share:

"When I count my blessings over the last year I always consider who and what helped me to know myself more clearly, including that which has helped me to see my shadow because it empowers me to more effectively transform myself. Even some of the painful events of the year can be seen as gateways to connect to the very essence of my heart. I see all of these as blessings, as the revelatory power of Grace, as the principle of the Guru. I give thanks to all of my teachers, to my students, to the full spectrum of my friends, and also to the challenging people in my life."John Friend

"Gratitude is a state of being. When I'm in the state of gratitude, I'm in my heart, I'm focused, I'm open, and ready for everything. I'm able to give so much more of my listening and my attention, and I feel heard and received. When I'm grateful, I feel connected to myself, my kid and especially my parents. Plus Dr. Emoto has proven that the sentiments of Gratitude and Love together create the most symmetrical and beautiful water molecules(!). Consistent levels of gratitude might be my proudest feat this year." Elena Brower

"Gratitude is one of the greatest healing emotions for bringing your brainwaves and heart rhythms into unison. It can melt the toughest situations and heighten the ordinary moments to profound realization. Gratitude opens the chambers of our heart so we can really feel while we are alive - our beloved, our kids, friends, each morsel, where we rest our head, the beauty, the transforming difficulties, our teacher's grace. The passing moment is the soil of gratitude that helps us wake up and appreciate what we have now before it is gone. That is why Thanksgiving is such a favorite holiday. As the earth goes into its fertile retreat, let us take time to remember, celebrate and taste the core of all that we love." Shiva Rea

"I'm grateful for all the ways that my yoga practice continues to inspire and amaze me. The global yoga community is a growing presence of peace on the planet, I give thanks every day for all the yogis, students, teachers, artists and musicians who are helping to usher in this emerging renaissance of Love and Spiritual Understanding. Peace." MC Yogi

Inversions

2011-11-20T20:48:00.000-08:00

I have been practicing inversions a lot lately and been teaching them regularly in my classes. This way of inverting your body I find helps me reposition my inner self, find clarity, and let stress and judgement fall away. Literally switching my mood to a more accepting one. Its amazing what an inversion will do. John Friend writes in The Anusara Teacher Training Manual "The agitations of the rational mind are dissolved and clarity of perception is enhanced". BJ Galvan has encouraged me to do handstands in the bathroom before a meeting or anything you might need a little boost for. FYI BJ is founder of Handstand Anonymous.

We also help out our lypmpth system out when we invert ourselves. An inversion is any pose where your heart is above your head, and in some inversion your feet andy our heart are above your head. This is so beneficial to the lymphatic system because it is a closed system which means there is no pump, unlike the respiratory system which is pumped by your lungs or the cardiovascular system which pumped by your heart. The lymphatic system has one way valves that move lympth toward the heart. However for a moment think about how hard that would be. We spend all day right side up, so the lympth has to pump up stream of gravity. So when we invert we help the lympth travel more easily. The lymphatic system has lots of white blood cells that are responsible for fighting bacteria and other disease causing micro organisms. A regular inversion practice helps keep your immunity system strong.

Another benefit of inversions is back relief from being upright which causes gravity to upp on your spin. This compression causes loads of back pain. Inverting is a way of counteracting the pull of gravity. I was at my friends house and he has an inversion table and we had a great converstation about inversions as my feet were strapped into the board and I dangled upside down. Creating space in the spine benefits spinal disc problmes, strengthens ligaments, and relieves myscle spasms.

So my challenge to you and myself is to do 5 mins of inversions a day for 2 weeks.

Classes I am teaching this week

2011-11-20T10:22:00.000-08:00

Looking forward to teaching this week. Below are my regular classes plus some subs*

Yoga for Stiffer Bodies @ The Yoga Center: Monday 4:15-5:30PM
Alignment Flow @ Avenues Yoga: Tuesday 8:30-9:45AM
Corporate Class @ DNR: Tuesday 12-1PM
*Corporate Class @ VMH: Wednesday 11:45-12:45
Level 1/2 @ The Yoga Center: Wednesday 5:45-7:00PM
*Anusara @ Sugar Space: Friday 9-10:30AM
*Anusara @ Sugar Space: Saturday 9-10:30AM

I am have these steady classes. I feel like I am really gaining confidence as a teacher and refining the way I go about teaching.

Sleeping

2011-11-15T15:17:00.000-08:00

I have a fascination about body posture. I find it so interesting that body positioning can either create more discomfort and disease in your life or it can cultivate ease, better health, and a better attitude. The more I study alignment the more I worry about my sleeping position. I toss, turn, sleep on my arm, tweak my next, bend my knees awkwardly... I have wanted to ask a Certified Anusara teachers if they have any recommendation for sleeping but either didn't have the courage to ask or I forgot.

Source:

thebluevinecollective.org

I was watching my Anusara Teacher Training DVD's with John Friend and this topic came up! John said that he gets asked this question a lot. He said no he doesn't recommend a certain mattress or pillow (darn that would have been to easy). He said that when we get misaligned during our sleep that is a result of some misalignment's that happen during the day. He said these misalignment's should be addressed during the day, and at night JUST SLEEP. This is not the answer I wanted to hear. During the day I work my alignment but still at night I toss and turn and wake up with some kinks and soreness.

I did a practice with my teacher Adam Ballenger last Saturday and he talked about how hatha yoga is two parts. It includes the action, one definition of hatha is to strike. He also talked about how the "tha" in hatha means a receptivity, a pause where you see your results of your action. I have heard Adam teach something similar to this in a public class relating it to car singles. You car will let you know when the engine needs to be worked on, or when you are low on gas.. But we have to "tha" we have to listen to that information.

So this gives me an opportunity to practice the "tha". The results, misalignment while sleeping tells me that I need to change what I am doing during the day. Although I was hoping John would give an answer like ____ pillow and you sleep perfectly. But now I just have another way to "tha" to notice the effects of my practice.

Practice

2011-11-13T21:45:00.000-08:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog you remember my residence to hanumanasana (splits) and my dedication to practicing the dreaded slits pose until it no longer remains my least favorite pose. This strategy may sound a bit weird for you but it has worked for me in the past. I have done this in the past taking my least favorite poses and practicing them until they become doable maybe even enjoyable. Poses that have made the transition include virabadrasana three (had to practice kidney and pelvic loop), handstand (had to practice good foundation of hands/arms, kidney loop, trust), parvrita trikonasana (had to work on foundation of feet, side body long, attitude).

My current mission has been hanumanasana. For about 2 months I have been working hanuman every day here is a typical practice. I have been warming up through standing poses that help wake up the hamstrings: pasvotonasana, trikonsasana, ardha chandrasana + chapasana, urdhva prasarita eka padasana (standing splits) + chapasana. After my warm ups I move to the wall. At the wall I do some handstand work, maybe some forearm balance work, then I move into quad work (can you say "ahhhhh") I put one shin against the wall and the knee at the baseboard as I swing the other foot forward into a low lunge variation, I work my butt toward my heel, after a few minutes I bring my hips lower and reach my arms up (while maintaining my back thigh bone integrated to the back body), then after a few mins I do ardha hanumanasana, then after a few mins a I do a variation of pigeon. All of this happens with the same shin up the wall. To release from this I work the same back foot up the wall and do a variation of splits up the wall, then I press my lifted for into the wall and I draw my lower leg toward my face and come into a handstand variation. After that I switch sides and repeat. Next I move into a ardha hanumansana (1/2 splits) on the first side, I place my back foot on the baseboard with my back knee on a blanket (preferably on a hard floor for easy sliding). Then I press out towards full hanumnasa (splits). In my opinion once your hips are hoovering below 6 inches off the floor I think it becomes a mind game. For 2 years I practiced splits regularly and could get pretty low but there still remained a big gap between my hips and the floor. I soon learned this was a mental gap. It was my mind yell "Oh hell no, I cant get my hips any lower then this". But I found if I paused and reminded myself of the continual practice I have had over a period of time that has build me up for this occasion (no i don't recommend hopping hips to the ground in your fist splits) to get lower to the ground, and normally when I pause, slow down, and calm my panic then to my suprise my hips sink and I get a "touch down".

One of my teachers, Anusara Certified Teacher, Amy Ippoliti, recognizes the importance of practicing a pose over and overs again. One of her teachings are offered through a face book page: 30 day yoga challenge (click here to visit the site). In this Amy provides a yoga posture and a Eco friendly practice to perform for a whole month, EVERY DAY! Here are some of the last months challenges.

October challenge was: Do a timed Handstand every day starting with 30sec and then post your record by the end of the month! Eco: Put your phone in airplane mode or off when you practice and when you sleep. Strength increases when you don't have those waves, and we get them enough during the day. Get a respite from them at night.

September challenge was: Do 5 minutes of pranayama in the morning and 5 minutes of pranayama before bed. Use simple ujjayi breathing, keeping the inhale and exhale lengths even. Eco Challenge: Bring your own utensils! Get in the habit of bringing your own with you everywhere. No plastic! On your mark... get set... go!

November challenge: Do a timed Pincha Mayurasana (Forearm Stand) every day starting with 30sec and then post your record by the end of the month! And....Are you drinking enough water? We all could use a boost in our water intake.

Swinging

2011-11-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

Picture source:
answersingenesis.org/articles/am/v1/n2/do-leaves-die

Walked my doggie ,Dharama, to the park today and I decided to swing. I haven't been swinging in a while, it was exhilarating. A storm was moving in, the sky was gray, and colorful leaves were being swirled in the wind. There I was soaring. I was thinking about how fascinating the swinging action is, just the mechanics of it. By pulling at the swing you come forward (flexing the elbows) and by pressing the swing away you move backwards (extension of the elbowa). These actions build up your momentum so you can swing= soar higher.

This got me thinking extension + flexion is the action we take when we lower from plank to chataranga. A common misalignment during this action is having the shoulders round forward which causes a hallowing in the chest and cause the trapezius muscles to fire. I call these neck muscles "headache muscles" because if I do chatarangas with my shoulders rolled forward and my trap muscles engaged it is a sure way for me to get a headache for the next day or two. However if I lengthen my side body, take the head of my arm bones back, and rotate the tips of my shoulder blades forward towards my heart then I am engaging my rhomboid muscles and the headache muscles are no longer engaged. Not only does this create more stability and builds strength for all future arm balances but it is incredibly therapeutic.

I watched this action as I was swinging. With just awareness and no effort I could feel the collapse happening in my shoulders and I recognized that the collapse is what made me feel unstable in the transitions of my swinging. I performed these actions and as I pushed and pulled, strengthened and bent my elbows it felt like I was doing chataranga tune ups (push ups). I felt more stable and I felt more connected to the heart. I breathed deeper recognizing although my life can be difficult and feel uncomfortable those difficulties are on the surface. Just like the ocean bellow the choppy waves crashing up and down on the surface at the bottom it is stable, unified, and full of peace.

Fun anatomy facts:

The elbow joint is called ginglymus (hinge joint)
Three bones form the elbow joint: the humerus (upper arm), radius (forearm on thumb side), and the paired ulna (forearm)
Two bony prominence at tip of elbow: olecranon (a process (bump) on ulna, and the antecubital fossa (inner aspect of the elbow)

Mudhita

2011-11-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

I just read BJ's beautifully written blog: follow-your-heart. In it she mentions mudita which is one of the bramaviharas (divine abidings) the Buddha taught. Mudhita is experiencing happiness for yourself and for others. It reminds me of clapping for our friends after they shine so beautifully doing an asana. We do not clap because we are forced to, or told to, it is mudita. Seeing someone else taste that bliss is an opportunity to ride that wave with them. You ride the wave and celebrate happiness for others but it isn't overly excited or manic nor is it out of resentment or jealousy.

A few years ago I over heard some people talking about Ansuara and about how bizarre, uncomfortable, and annoying it is that people clap for one another. This was before I had taken any Anusara. Years later I took my first Anusara-Inspired class from Jen Hecht. I did a pincha mayurasana and after some people and Jen looked at me smiling and clapping. This made me feel so good. Towards the end of the class when it was someone else's turn to demo and I was excited to clap, show my support, and be in that moment of "wow, beauty".

Being able to share happiness, and joy is a deepening experience that brings me closer to god. It helps me see the good and the fullness in each moment instead of noticing what is bad, different, or insufficient. Mudita strengthens my ability to experience joy and it fills me with gratitude.

40 drop backs

2011-11-01T15:37:00.001-07:00

This morning I taught at avenues yoga . We got deep into the hamstrings a student made a "touch down" in hanumanasana for the first time which is very exciting especially when you work the alignment. All the students left smiling and thanked me after class. Just a few months ago the studio owner talked to me about my class sizes. Saying if I don't get at least 5 paying students my class would be dropped. (Oh those are the least favorite words of mine.) But now the numbers are picking up. This is something that John teAches, saying it doesn't matter about the numbers just helping one student is enough. But it makes me feel really good to know I am getting my numbers up. I even talked to the studio owner after class and she said she received a comment from a student of mine about how refined my teaching is. Its nice to hear this from her since she wanted to drop my class. I received this fb comment after this mornings class:

"Kim, I seriously adore you. It was so nice to feel supported AND encouraged to bring the booty to the floor! I learned a ton today about yoga and myself. You are nectar, my dear."

After my morning class at aves I taught a noon class at DNR (my corporate class) then I got together for a small practice to celebrate the lovely yogini Jen Hecht's 40th birthday. And in honor of her years we did a 2 1/2 gr practice which included 40 drop backs in 6 minutes. We also sang happy birthday to her in bird of paradise pose.

nice morning

2011-10-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up meditated, thought/wrote down some sequence ideas, class themes, possible heart qualities for my two classes today, Halloween, at The Yoga Center. The past week I have been staying open and hoping that a theme would naturally develop but I only had some ideas. I could feel the anxiety start to creep into my morning so I decided to walk Dharma. I paused and wondered if I should take my notebook so I could continue to journal, brainstorm, or possibly practice. No, I want to be present and I knew bring my notebook would bring along my worry. Dharma and I wandered with out a plan and ended up at a small park. The Fall sunshine was highlighting patches of lawn and trees with the golden sun rays. I found a nice flat spot and just sat, felt the sun rays and the brisk air on my face. Then with out much thought I started to practice. I ended up doing a nice practice focusing on the three aspects of inner spiral: 1) moves the inner thighs in 2) roots the thigh bones back into the hamstrings and 3) widens the thighs. I thought about how these actions bring us into the core of our being (literally spiraling up from the periphery to the core) and I find that inside me is not limited but it is expansive. That we in fact are not limited. Then on the contracting spiral I move into that space of expansion. These actions set me up nicely for my Halloween custom, Monkey. I did hanumanasana on the grass, on one foot, up a tree, foot on a tree, thigh on a tree, and on my back. After some more sitting in the sun we walked home. Now the juices are flowing in my brain for tonights classes.

This morning was so beautiful I felt like I was in the flow of Grace, or the flow of a ocean I didn't need to push the ocean or over stress out about my class, the ocean and Grace flow by itself. This morning reminded me of Karen's Blog that I read yesterday. She used a great metaphor in her blog yesterday linking fishing to thinking of a theme and about how important "paying attention and being aligned" is.

Awareness: Looking For The Good

2011-10-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

One of the many blessing of a yoga practice is just that, practice. We get to roll our our mats or meditation cushions and practice for life. One quality we can cultivate is awareness. I have been thinking about awareness a lot this week (and wrote a few blogs about it). I remember when I first started cultivating awareness on my mat I started to notice everything I was doing "bad" or "wrong". My hips lowered to fast in chataranga, my mind couldn't stop thinking, I kept collapsing in my back... Then I would leave my mat and my awareness was still turned on for looking for the bad around me, in my relationships. and in myself.

To me this is a cop-out in awareness training. Our society is almost trained to look for the bad, just take a look at the newspaper. It is a lot easier to say 5 things your don't like about yourself, your relationship, your job... then it is to say 5 good things. But it doesn't have to be like that. We can train our awareness to look for the good, just like we can strength an muscle. A great place to do that is on the yoga mat. As I practice now I work on bringing my attention to all the things that feel so sweet, My hands feel strong, i feel such a great opening in my side body, my breath is flowing smoothly, my muscles energy in my legs are helps me feel stable...I can see the ripple effect that this practice has on my life. Now I notice the good things in nature, in my relationships, and in myself.

Looking for the good is one of the teachings that informs Anusara Yoga. Adam has been teaching us in teacher training, to always be looking for the good in our students and to learn how to articulate what they are doing good before offering a refinement.

Last night I taught a class at They Yoga Center with this theme idea. It was a great, 12 students! Studio owners Lydnesy and Sheldon took my class which gave me a few butterflies in my stomach but I was so happy they came to support me. They gave me some great feed back as well.

Teaching To What I See

2011-10-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

I have been teaching yoga for almost six years. I started teaching vinyasa. I would show up with a class intention and a sequence. I was glued to my yoga mat and basically did the whole practice with the students. I would say the same alignment ques as I did the pose with out checking to see if the students were already doing what I was asking. Over time I started to stop practicing with the students, I tried to wander further away from my mat as I taught but it was hard! My mat was my safety blanket. A few years later I was able to walk around the room but I was still teaching my class AT students and not TO them.
I just finished the last part of Anusara Teacher Training part two with Adam Ballenger. During these past few weeks I have performed many different teacher training exercises: learning how to scan the room, look for the good first, to see areas where the students could improve, and how to articulate that alignment ques so it is easy to understand and to do. After all of these exercises that caused me some stress during the assignment, this week I really see it paying off. I am no longer teaching at students. Yes I am still planing a class sequence but I am teaching to what I see, I am giving ques based on what the students are or are not doing, and I am not afraid to deviate from my plan if it means helping students.

Not only is this helping me feel more confident as a teacher. I am no longer just saying my bullet points for the specific asana but I understand the alignment and the principles, I understand why I am asking the students to perform a certain action. And even better I have been getting really good feed back from my students. One women told me she likes the way I say things "it gets me to feel with my whole body, and work harder for a reason".

I am so grateful to be learning this system of yoga that speaks to my heart, mind, and body. I (as of this weekend) has completed all of the requirements for Anusara- Inspired status, now all I need is a certified teacher to watch a class and sign off on me. SOOOO exciting!!

Awareness

2011-10-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

Fall is a time of change and offers a great opportunity to be more aware. Be aware of the changing colors of the leaves and sounds. Be aware of the air, the way it feels, smells, and even tastes. This awareness and wonder of nature helps me be present. It encourages me to feel my breath, my body, and notice what going on in my mind. Today I walked my dog taking everything in, the beauty of nature, the honking horns of cars, the man racking up leaves... We walked to the park and toward the tree under which I often practice yoga and I saw two bums sleeping. I left the park and found a grassy patch down an alley. There I practiced.

Did an hour and a half practice. My intention: Awareness. As I went through my surya namaskar A and B's I noticed my breath, the grass under my fingers, the feeling of my body... often thoughts would cross my mind, "That man racking leaves is staring at me". As I returned to stand at the top of my mat with my hands in front of my heart, I paused with my eyes closed. I noticed how I felt standing, I reflected on how my last sequence went, was I aware the whole time or were there some distractions. I noticed the answer trying to be as compassionate to my self as possible. In other words not criticizing myself for being a failure for having thoughts! Then I reflected on my intention of being aware and continued into the next pose and continuing to reflect.

Being aware made this somewhat intense practice feel sweet and calm. I even ended up doing sirsasana (headstand) drop backs, and a few rounds of Mandalasana. This is one of the first times of me really doing mandalasana multiple times back and fourth. I had no clue I was going to be performing that today but I felt this inner pull because I was so present with my self and with my surrounding. It was really great experience.

Here is a link of Noah Maze freaking rocking Mandalasana and includes tic- toc from Sirsasana (I did not do the tic toc jumping back and forth)

Perfectionism... Shins in thighs out

2011-10-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

I struggle with being a perfectionist. With wanting to be perfect in all these different categories. I thought that if I looked perfect, lived perfect, act perfect, then I could avoid feeling shame, judgment, blame. I had made check list of if onlys. If only I was thin, smart, talented.... I thought these if onlys would finally make me perfect but I now know its what I thought I needed to feel worthy. I was holding all of this in for so long and it felt like a contraction in my pelvis. I have been thinking about these feelings while performing the alignment principle of shins in thighs out. When I remember that I am worthy right now, in this moment, with whatever may be going on, with my imperfections, I am still worthy. This thought gives me strength and helps me stand strongly on my feet and draw to the mid line of me being, of truth. Just like shins in! When I widen my thighs apart it creates more space as I widen my think bones I imagine releasing all the lies and the if onlys I have been telling myself and with that I can root my tail bone and reach even higher!

I taught a class on shins in thighs out at The yoga Center on Wednesday night using this theme. This is such a deep teaching for me.

pranayama + meditation

2011-10-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

This week I have been practicing the first level of Nadi Shodhana Pranayama. In this practice you breath in and out of your left nostril five times, after your fifth exhale close off the air to the left nostril and breath in and out of the right nostril, then you realise your hands down and breath in and out five times through both nostrils. (For more information read my last post). I just recently found out of this modification of nadi shodhana. I always practiced with alternating nostrils with every breath cycle, instead of breathing in these sets of five.

I just went on a bike ride with my dog to Liberty Park sat next to a pound did this pranayama technique which calmed down my mind so much it was easy and enjoyable to slip into a 20 mins mediation. After I watched swans and ducks swim and fly across the pound. It was so tranquil. Dharma dog also had a great time exploring and laying in the sun. Then we just biked home. Although I am no longer doing seated meditation I still feel immersed in this finer vibration that flutters with love and joy dancing under my skin.

This wonderful meditation was more easeful because I have been practicing daily pranayama in addition to meditation. I feel like with pranayama before meditation it helps my mind quite so much that I am almost pulled into meditation. Like really good foreplay before sex :)

Now wokring on a yoga project and then off to the second weekend of the second moduel of Anusara Teacher Training with Adam Ballenger

Pranayama

2011-10-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

As the days get shorter and cooler I find myself being drawn to practice more pranayama (breathing practices). Here is a summary of various breath practices:

Abdominal or diaphragmatic Breathing: In this pranayama technique you are emphasizing the movement of the diaphragm rather then the rib cage. On an inhale the diaphragm moves downward pushing the abdominal contents downward and on an exhale the diaphragm moves upward and the abdominal contents move inward. This breath massages the liver, stomach, intestines and other organs, it tones the heart and improves oxygenation of the blood and circulation.

Nadi Shodhana Pranayama: with your right hand fold the two peace finger (index and bird) into the palm of you hand. Take your ring and pinkie finger to the outside of the left nostril and your thumb to the outside of the right nostril. You will be shutting off the air to one nostril, I find it helpful to not only close the air off but to pull the check skin away from the opposite nose.

Technique 1: Close the right nostril with the thumb. Inhale and exhale through the left nostril 5 times. After 5 breaths release your right nostril and close off the left. Inhale and exhale through the right nostril 5 times. Lower the hand and breathe 5 times through each nostril. This is round one. Practice 5 rounds or for 3-5 mins. In Asana Pranayama Mudra Bandha they recommend doing this technique for 15 days until moving onto technique two.
Technique 2: Alternate nostril breathing: close off your right nostril with your thumb and inhale through your left nostril, release your right nostril and close off your left and exhale through your right nostril. Inhale through the right nostril close of the right and exhale through the left. This is round one. Work for 10 rounds. Keep the length of inhales and exhales equal. As you get more familiar and practiced with this breathing technique increase the time until you've reached 12:12.
Technique 3: Antar Kumbhaka (inner retention): Close the right nostril and inhale through the left, then close both nostril and retrain the breath, inhale slightly through the left (this brings the respiratory muscles back into action). After the exhale immediately inhale through the left nostril closing off the right, retain the breath, inhale slightly through the right nostril and then exhale completely through the right. This is one round. Practice 10 rounds. During this breath technique use a constant count, for example 5.

A fun note on Kumbhaka: When I was at Wanderlust Squaw Valley I was listening to Chris Tompkins and Hareesh give a wonderful talk. At one post Hareesh said that sometimes when him and Chris are at a concert when the band is really rocking out Chris would turn to Hareesh and say "Kumbhaka, kumbhaka now!". Chris responded by smiling sweetly and saying this is true. Since then when I have been at a concert I have practiced some Kumbhaka.

Nadi means 'channel' or 'flow' and shodhana mean 'purification'. Nadi Shodhana norishes the whole body by supplying extra oxygen while expelling carbon dioxide and other toxins from the blood. This breath stimulates the brain and lowers stress levels. This is one of the main pranayama techniques I use in my practice.

Sheetali Pranayama: cooling breath: Stick out your tongue and roll the outer edges of the tongue up so it forms a tube. Inhale and draw the breath through the tongue. At the end of the inhale bring your tongue in and close your mouth. Exhale through your nose. Set your awareness on the cool sensation on the tongue and the pallet of the mouth. This is one round. Practice 9-15 rounds.This practice cools the body and mind. It effects the brain centers associated with biological drives and temperature regulation. This practice causes muscular and mental relaxation.

Seetkari Pranayama: hissing breath: Hold the teeth lightly together. Separate the lips and place the tongue on the top palate (khechari mudra). Breathe in through the teeth, after inhale close your mouth and exhale through the nose. Place your awareness on the hissing sound of the breath. This breath realizes the mind and the muscles. It also keeps the teeth and gums healthy. "Through perfection of this practice, the adept becomes like the god Kamadeva. Kama means 'desire' and deva means 'master', therefore, through this practice desire is mastered and a state of balanced purification is achieved" Asana Pranayama Mudra Bandha.

Bhramari Pranayama: humming bees breath: With you teeth slightly open, lips closed and your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Bend your elbows and press the flaps of your ears closed with the index finger. Bring your awareness to the ajna (third eye) chackra. Inhale through the nose and as you exhale create a steady humming sound. This is round one. 5-10 rounds is a good start. Once you become more familiar with this pranayama technique you can increase to 15 mins. When there is lots of tension and anxiety you can practice up to 30 mins for healing. I have never practice for this long but I can imagine it would be heavenly. Bhramari relieves stress and tension. It relieves anger, anxiety, insomnia, and reducing blood pressure. The vibration of this technique creates a soothing effect on the mind and nervous system.

Ujjayi Pranayama:This is the main pranayama technique we use during yoga asana unless instructed by an instructor. To perform this breath tighten the muscles of the throat and breath in out and through the nose. It should create a gentle whispering sound, or the sound of wind blowing through the trees. Ujjayi is a calming breath that also has a heating effect in the body. In yoga this breath is used to soothe the nervous system and calm the mind. Ujjya pranayama refers o the victorious upraising of prana.

Bhastrika Pranayama: bellows breath: This breathe is a force full exhale followed by a force full inhale. The stomach should move rapidly in and out with the breath. Breath in and out like this 10 times, after the tenth breath take a deep breath. This is round one, practice up to 10 rounds. This practice burns up toxins and removes disease from he body.

Kapalbhati Pranayama: This breath is similar to bhastrika however instead of having a force full breath on each end of the breath kapalbhakti just has a forceful exhale and the inhale us passively allowing the abdominal muscles to expand. The inhalation should be spontaneous and passive following the force full exhale. Start at 10 breaths per round and take a breath in between rounds. As the abdominal muscles become stronger you can increase how many rounds of breath. The benefits for this breath helps remove sensory distractions from the mind. It helps energize the mind for rest and helps remove sleepiness. It also balances and strengthens the nervous systems and tones the digestive organs.

Happy breathing to you all!
Smiles Kim
Source: Asana Pranayama Mudra Bandha by Swami Satyananda Saraswati

side bodies long

2011-10-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

The philosophy that informs Anusara say there are different malas, or different dusts on the mirror that prevents us from seeing our self clearly. The three ways that create feeling of limitation around our heart (iccha), knowledge (jnana), and ability to act (kriya).

Anava Mala- veils the iccha shakti. Feeling limited in the heart, this leads to desire, feelings of lack, fragmentation, sadness, unworthiness, and incompleteness. Sadness.
Mayiya Mala- veils the jnana shakti. Limits knowledge. Preserve things as separate not realizing the unity/oneness which leads to conflict, anger, and hatred. Anger.
Karma Mala- veils the kriya shakti. Feeling limited in agency, ability to act, capacity to act. Creates the sense of doer ship. Creates fear of not being able to accomplish something or ability to create. Fear

I really like this. I have been working with this and linking it to side bodies long in my practice and in some classes. One of the blessings of yoga is it helps us see that we are not as limitted as we may think. For example before I started practicing yoga, or more precisely, before Adam Ballenger started teaching me about open to grace I thought that my side bodies were just short and that's how they would always be. I felt limitted in this way. Over the past 2 years I have realized that I have freedom to lengthen my side bodies which shifts my energy tremendously. This shows me that where I thought I was limited was not true. So off the mat I can remember that areas in which I think I feel limited, I might not be. (It was true for the side body length).

Moonstone

2011-10-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a refreshing camping trip in Moab. I love being surrounded by soaring red rocks, meandering rivers, and the silence. We went with my husbands dad and his friends. Kris gave everyone a medicine bag to put a rock in and hang it around their neck in line with the heart chakra. My husband and I are both giddy for rocks and were very excited. I thought I would find a rock nearby my tent. Driving through town we stopped at the Rock Shop. I just thought I would be admiring but not buying, a near by rock caught my eye. It was white moonstone. I picked it up and intuitively put it in the necklace rock bag. It fit perfectly. Tyler bought it for me. When we got home I am did some research on my new stone.

Moonstone:

Wear over the heart to soothe the emotions, balance feminine energies and harmonize hormones.
Is linked to the divine feminine principle.
Is a symbol of love.
Helps release the creative impulse and sustain it.
Helps balance hormones and hormone issues.
Helps one become more receptive and in touch with inner feelings.
Enhances intuition.
Eases emotional states.

What stories have you been telling yourself?

2011-10-05T18:48:00.000-07:00

Jen and I got together yesterday to continue our mission. We are working towards maksikanagasana 2 (dragonfly 2) its going to take multiple practices to get there. To do this pose you bring a leg behind your head, twist your body over the other leg and balance on your hands, simple right ;). To see Kathryn Budig gracefully demonstrate this fierce pose visit: video. So yesterday Jen, her dog Bo, my dog Dharma, and myself gathered in a park and played. I have so much fun practicing with friends, I work harder and go deeper then I would if I were alone. Thank you Jen.

Last week we were able to get our foot behind our head but couldn't get the foot to stay. For example I would take my right leg behind my head and then I would hold my food in place with my left hand. We watched Kathryn's video and admired how she could take both of her hands in front of her heart and the foot stayed in place behind her head. When I tried to bring my hands in front of my heart my leg would fly back down to the ground like a rubber band shooting across a room. I thought "I will never be able to do that, ever, impossible". Even as we practiced yesterday I kept telling myself unconsciously and consciously this story of not being able it. Funny that I was right back to telling myself I wouldn't be able to do a pose after having just posted a blog on the subject. Anyhow a lot of shoulder work, and skull loop, and tada my foot stayed!!! Jen snapped a picture of it.

What stories have you been telling yourself that are not true and are holding you back? Tell yourself good stories, reach for the stars and keep reaching :)

eka pada sirsasana

Hanumanasana

2011-10-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

I watched a you tube video from Certified Anusara teacher Christina Sell (http://www.christinasellyoga.com/) in which she pointed out how students often get upset when they cant do a pose. When they haven't really been putting enough studentship into it. Her example was kicking up to handstand. Having students get frustrated when they cant kick up, but the only time they practice is when they happen to be in a class when a teacher instructs handstand. She laughed, you need to put in an effort, try to kick up to handstand ten times every she said
I thought about how this is applicable to my practice. Hanumansana, a pose I have tried to avoid the past six year.. Hanumanasana. I have never felt like I had "good splits". I didn't enjoy doing them in class and I would even get upset with myself for not getting fully into the pose. From the practice I have gained more flexibility but splits still seemed out of my grasp. "I will never be able to do full hanumanasana" was a story that I kept telling myself.

Christina's video was a great reminder. For the past few weeks I have been working into hanumanasana almost every day. It is a nice experience to just get into my body, to see where my limits are, and watch myself gain patience. Once you get an 2-4 inches off the floor I really think it is a mind game.

Another pose I have been working on regularly is handstand.The steadiness I am starting to feel is unreal. Handstand was another pose that I thought would always undo able. I was happy to see Amy Ippoliti 30 day challenge for October which is to do a timed handstand everyday starting at 30 secs and then increasing the time increase every day. The eco challenge is to set your phone off to air plane mood during practice and sleep.

a good reminder

2011-10-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

Leslie Salmon the previous owner of The Yoga Center, currently going through the Anusara certification process, and a good friend of mine has a blog that i regularly read. http://anusara-inspired.blogspot.com/ In a recent blog post she wrote:

"my blog is my blog -- my thoughts, my correlations, the story of my journey. That's one of the reasons I try to stick with "I, my, me' rather than "you, ours, us" -- it might not apply to you and I certainly don't want to sound like I'm preaching to anyone. So, I read, I learn, I - in turn - share my thoughts. "

This really got me thinking. I often write "we, ours, and us". I did not realize it sounded preachy. I think I do it more out of timidness not wanting to fully claim what I am saying. I also think I do it to be inclusive. I am aware of this when I teaching and I make an effort to tell personal stories using. However I commonly use none personal language in my blog. I hope I don't sound preachy to anyone. Like Leslie I recognize I don't know everything. I am first and foremost a student. I enjoy applying philosophies and looking at the way I view things. I have challenges, I try to learn from. I actively find myself searching in life and feel very attracted to yogic teachings. The vibrancy and ease that yoga brings to my life and the way these philosophies challenge me to live in a responsive way vs. a reactive has opened and softened my heart. I share these experiences in my blog for many reasons. It helps me plant these seeds deeper in my being and helps me remember. I also hope that it can offer some insight to others. One of my favorite pass times is to read other blogs on yoga, philosophy, and life. I want to be part of the conversation.

I am grateful to Leslie for this reminder. I want to own what I say and I never want to sound like I am preaching to others.

parsva dandasana

2011-09-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

Just got back from memory groove park where I practiced with Jen Hecht. It was a great experience it was our first time getting together like this. Mission: We both wanted to work on getting our leg behind out head, stand up and possibly take it into parsva dandasana (video below). We both brainstormed good poses that would help us build into the pose and main principles that would really help us. We worked deeply into the hips and the three hamstrings. Focused on getting into the deeper muscles and past the more superficial muscles. Lots of side bodies longs and strong shoulder and skull loop. It was a total blast! We both got the leg behind our head laying on our back, rocked up did a forward fold, then managed to stand up in uttansana (standing forward bend) with our foot hooked and then all the way up to standing and then fell out. (dont know the sanskrit names) It was soo fun, I never thought I would be able to stand and keep the hook. We didn't make it to parsva dandasana but it was an awesome journey and it was just our first time. We are getting together next week to work on it again. Our results from the practice is that we need alot of length and particularly low back length so we can find more strength at lifting our torso up, plugging our shoulders in and really working the skull loop to keep leg in place. Jen brought Darren Rhodes new book so we played with alot of fun twists.

So grateful for Jen. I feel so much stronger when I have a friend reminding me. Reminds me of the story of Hanuman, he forgets he has all these powers and strengths and his friends remind him and then he can access that place and defeat the bad guy :)

(quick post but thought if I waited to blog about it I would run out of time or forget)

Here is a video of Kathryn Budig gracefully getting into and doing parsva dandasana.

Love emanates from the soul

2011-09-29T09:47:00.001-07:00

Reading Ram Dass new book Be Love Now at a cafe with my doggie. This book is like poetry to my soul and moves me deeply. Here is a paragraph page 13

"most emotions like fear, anger, lust and envy are connected to our personality and the impulses from our conscious or unconscious mind, instincts for survival and procreation. LOVE is part of the emotional spectrum, but it is different because it emanates from our soul. Even when it becomes confused with our ego projections, love is actually from the higher essence of our being, the part that begins to merge with the spirit and approach the One. "

I love this. The other emotions are not bad. They are not separate from the one. Everything,including all the emotions are all possible entry way to merge our heart with the ocean of love/divine.

Anusara, anu means one or the soul. Its like the individual in a limited form. For example a cup of ocean water. Sara means in the flow, for example the entire ocean. are hearts can seem small and separate however we are all connected and in flow with each other. We are free to act as we want cultivating different emotions like fear and anger.. We are also free to feel and align to love which is emanating from are soul at every moment!!

(just got a new app and can write blogs from my phone)

Immersion with BJ Teacher Training with Adam

2011-09-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

So blissed out from this amazing week surrounded by such great souls. I was so lucky and won the scholarship to take BJ Galvans Immersion 2 at The Yoga Center. It was great to take the immersion 2 a second time from a different perspective. I took it the first time from Adam Ballenger both certified Anusara teachers did a phenomenal job presenting the information to my heartmind and body. My understanding deeps so much as I continue to hear the same teaching over and over and in different ways. Anusara's philosophy of intrinsic goodness touches my heart and influences my practice deeply. Being able to learn/feel these virtues through the gross body is amazing. I wasn’t able to finish BJ's full immersion because I took Adam Ballenger’s teacher training. It was quite a switch going from being immersed in yoga from the aspect of the student to learning to teach this method. However BJ shakti-fied me up so much going into the TT was really lovely, I felt anchored in my center where the heart qualities come more easily.

The immersion was great opportunity to spend more time at The Yoga Center. The owners Lyndsey and Sheldon have created such a great community and have such a great vision for Anusara yoga in SLC and I am so happy to be a part of this community. I also treasured making immersion friends from TYC. When you go through any intensive training where transformation happens you bond strongly with each other in a really sweet way. I will be reviewing my notes and will post another blog about immersion/TT.

I just got back from lunch with BJ before she got on the air plane. Its nice to bond with a teacher and see then not just in the yoga class room. I normally get shy around other teachers who I admire and don’t get to know them better as a result and I am so happy I got to spend more time with BJ. I think I will even be assisting her on her tour next year, possibly Costa Rica (which would be a dream come true)

OM NAMAH SHIVAYA to all the great teachers I humbly bow.

to learn more about these rocking teachers check out their websites:
http://www.heartcoreyoga.com/ BJ Galvan
http://www.adamballengeryoga.com/ Adam Ballenger

Camping for a Cause Pictures

2011-09-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

Some snap shots from Camping for a Cause. Thank you Girl Scouts of Utah and Annie Cutler for taking the pictures.

Strong hands soft heart :)

From your heart extend out through the hands and from your heart extend out through the legs

Stretch up and down, imagine your a cartoon character and exaggerate the stretch

draw the legs together powerfully, lengthen side bodies, curl open heart

chilly morning, building up some heat in the body

open the inner coastal muscles of the rib cage, expanding your light out

Camping for a Cause

2011-09-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I taught a workshop at a fundraiser event for Girl Scouts of Utah, called camping for a cause. I have lead workshops for this cause before in the past and I always have a blast. The event is up at the girl scouts Camp Cloud Camp that is off guardsman's pass nestled between big cottonwood canyon and park city. It is so beautiful and untouched up there surrounded by wildflowers, tall trees, and many lakes. When I arrived and checked to see how many people had signed up for the workshop I was very happy to see that 22 women would be practicing with me.
I talked about community. About how great it is that they are supporting the girl scout community in this way which in large affects salt lake, Utah, and the world. We did lots of back body work as I reminded the students that the back body represents the community and the front body represents the individual self and the ego. In my life I have faced more then one big challenge where at first I was so determined to solve this problem by myself, I didn't need any one's help. I didn't even think I should tell them I was suffering. Ultimately I asked for help and I was so shocked by how tremendously loving and supporting they were. We can practice this in our asana practice by breathing into the back body, moving into the back body (for example: taking the head back, shoulders, kidneys, thigh bones... toward the back body) These movements into the back body cultivates support and we can go deeper into the pose from this strength.

The class went really great, adjustments, jokes insights, and lovely asanas. There were multiple times through out the class where students said "wow this is the best stretch ever". We did lots of community support in the poses: supporting our neighbors hearts in tree poise so we can open our hearts and look toward ski, held hands while transitioning from stork to warrior 3, helped support neighbors in different variations of shalabasana... It was really fun lots of laughter, yet still sincere offering of heart. Practicing and/or teaching in outdoor secluded settings move me so deeply.

After finishing I was thanked by so many students, staff members, and attendees who didn't take the workshop. So much gratitude received it touched my heart. I am so grateful for the Girl Scouts of Utah, the students, and everything that allowed me to be a part of this event.

Illuminated Heart

2011-09-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

This is the essay I wrote trying to win a scholarship for BJ's second immersion at The Yoga Center. The essay question is to write in 500-750 words about the potential to reveal the Illuminated Heart.

YOU ARE THAT WHICH YOU SEEK

Yoga, most definitely, has the potential to awaken the illuminated heart. In this easy I will touch on the definition of the word illuminated and point out how appropriate the illuminated heart is for explaining the outcome of a committed yoga practice. I will also reference yogic practices and philosophies that help with this process.

The word “illuminated” means, to brighten with light, to make lucid or clear, to decorate with lights (as in celebration), and to enlighten (as with knowledge). This is the invitation of yoga so we may expand and shine out our intrinsically divine essence, to see our self beautifully and clearly, to celebrate this embodied gift by expressing beauty, to know we are connected and to experience vibrancy and ease. We practice yoga to unveil the illuminated heart so we may know more (chit) and be happy (ananda). I don’t think every yoga student would identify this being their reason for practicing yoga, when I first started practicing it was to rehab from an injury and possibly lose some weight. However the practice of yoga helped me connect to my heart.

Yoga unveils the truth. The truth is that we are connected, we are loved, we are whole, and as John friend puts it a part of this “big ball of pulsating bliss” (describing Shiva-Shakti tantric). The truth is we already have an illuminated heart. This awakening in my experience has not been like turning on a light switch, but more of a steady practice of showing up with an intention to see the heart clearly. To make clear is an aspect of an illuminated heart. Through the practice we begin to see and feel that all our stories, all the bull shit is just various coverings (daksha, cloaks, kleshas and maya) that make it hard to see that ultimately we are an embodiment of spirit. As we remember this we start to see and experience the world and our self as being made up of absolute goodness, consciousness, bliss, pulsation, self-awareness, ultimate freedom and perfect fullness. These are the attributes of the divine and we experience these qualities in our self and in the world around us because we are all part of the divine.

Yoga’s potential for unveiling an illuminated heart, I think really comes in the face of obstacles. Even the physical postures we put our self into on the yoga matt is a challenge. We are taught to stay in the challenge, feel the intense sensation, connect with the breath, feel a sense of ease and feel supported. My practice for a while was learning to face challenges and feeling supported by grace. Now I have been working on learning the distinction between what is satisfying and what is gratifying, again this can be learned on the mat! My point being, the potential of unveiling the illuminated heart through yoga is so high because yoga offers so many different teachings that can be applied to your body and can shift your life. Yoga’s potential for unveiling an illuminated heart comes in its dynamic ability to meet people where they are and help them with their struggles.

The illuminated heart is like a muscle, because we don’t always think we are bright, beautiful, and intelligent. This doubting makes the muscle weak. But when we overcome these challenges by cultivating heart qualities we strengthen our illuminated heart muscle. So, even when we are off our yoga mat and shit hits the fan we still feel this inner illumination, it is not based on external situations.

In conclusion, we already have an illuminated heart. Yoga is one of the great ways to unveil that illumination. Throughout life we are filled with bliss, yet there are many ups and downs that come along with it as well. Just know that at your core you shine with the divine. I want to bring these ancient practices into my life, deeper into my heart, and to refine my asana and move beyond the asana, to awaken more fully into my own illuminated heart. You are that which you seek!

Connect to Illuminated Heart + Twist Out Negativity

2011-09-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

This past week I spent a lot of time thinking about and writing an easy for The Yoga Center for a chance to win a 100% scholarship for BJ’s upcoming Immersion 2. The easy question was write (in 500-750 words) the potential for yoga to unveil the illuminated heart. Illuminated means: to brighten with light, to make lucid or clear, to decorate with lights (as in celebration), and to enlighten (as with knowledge). My main focus on the essay was that we all already have an illuminated heart however we doubt our self and this makes us forget, yoga is the invitation to awaken to the heart and start removing the varies cloaks.

Tonight I am teaching at The Yoga Center 5:45-7.In We will focus on muscle energy drawing into this place of luminosity that is always present and we will also work with twisting our the self negativity, doubt, and fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Succasana greet yourself here as a radiant blissful being, notice any negativity your have toward yourself, doubting, fear of failing, and allow your breath to get that unstuck.

Wall work plug into heart

Shoulder stretch hands on wall frwd fold

One hand on wall humorous parallel to floor plug in and twist fill in back body

Interlace hands side stretch switch fingers repeat 4x

Tadasana

Sun A

Mod Parvakonasana -> rev w

Parsvak -> rev w

W2-> rev w -> rev trik

Wall work

L at wall -> frwd fold against wall

Wallonasana (hanumanasana up wall)
matsendrasana twist

DD twist

L.L twist one hand on ground

L twist

Parvritta ½ moon

Rev trik

Pigeon elbow down twist reach, reach back for foot

Bow pose roll to one side, roll to other side, middle

Wide leg forward fold

Root thigh bones
Shavasana hands on belly

The Universal Principles of Alignment and Secoondary Principles

2011-09-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Was doing some online browsing and research and stumbled upon a Yoga Journal article: Go with the Flow: Alignment in Anusara, by John Friend wrote, in the article John highlights the universal principles of Anusara yoga as well as secondary principles. I love it when I find these principles explained by others the slight difference in explanation always helps it sink that much deeper into my awareness. I though Friends explanation was great so here it is.

The Universal Principles of Alignment

OPENING TO GRACE

Having the intention to place oneself—body, mind, and heart—in alignment with the flow of supreme consciousness. This involves approaching asana practice with an attitude of softhearted devotion.
MUSCULAR ENERGY A drawing of energy from the periphery of the body into the Focal Point (see below), which increases stability, strength, and physical integration in the pose.
INNER SPIRAL An ever-expanding energy spiral that moves outward from the core; it runs from the feet up through the pelvis into the waistline area. Inner Spiral rotates the legs inward, moves the thighs backward, and widens the thighs and pelvis.
OUTER SPIRAL An ever-narrowing spiral that moves inward toward the core; it runs from the waistline area down through the tailbone and out through the legs and feet. Outer Spiral rotates the legs outward, moves the tailbone and thighs forward, and draws the pelvis and thighs closer together.
ORGANIC ENERGY An outward extension of energy from the Focal Point through the core lines of the body to the body's periphery, which increases expansion, flexibility, and freedom in the pose.

The Secondary Principles

FOCAL POINT Alocalized power spot within the body. Muscular Energy draws into it, and Organic Energy extends out from it. There are three possible locations for the Focal Point: the core of the pelvis, the bottom of the heart, and the upper palate. In any given pose, only one Focal Point is active. The active Focal Point is the one nearest the most weight-bearing part of the pose. When the three possible Focal Points are equally weight-bearing, the pelvic Focal Point becomes the active one by default.
SIDE BODY LONG Lengthening the sides of the ribs so the tops of the shoulders come in line with the base of the neck.
SHOULDER LOOP One of the seven energy loops within the body. This loop originates in the upper palate and flows backward to the base of the skull and down the back of the body to the bottom of the shoulder blades. When you engage Shoulder Loop, the head moves back slightly and the shoulder blades move down the back. At the bottom of the shoulder blades, the loop begins arcing forward and upward as it draws the bottom tips of the shoulder blades in and upward, toward the heart. The loop continues forward and up to the palate again as it lifts the chest and opens the throat.
INNER BODY BRIGHT A soulful expansion of feeling and vital energy from within the body that gives the outer form of the body a buoyant fullness. This attitude is created in the first principle, Opening to Grace, in which the fullness of the inner Self is embraced so the inner luster of Spirit naturally shines forth.

To view the complete article visit: http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1330?page=2

Avenues Yoga

2011-09-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

Spent most of my day being a part of the lovely Anusara Yoga community.

First I taught the free intro yoga community yoga class. The turn out was small only two students, I really enjoy teaching smaller classes I can refine the practice specifically to what the students need/want and in my experience when the class is smaller the students will ask more questions then if it was a bigger class. We focused on having a commitment to look for the good in all situations and in our self. Lots of muscular energy work especially in hands, arms and shoulders. After class I walked with one of the students, R, down the street toward the street fair and she shared with me some of her personal challenges and how yoga and shadow work has helped. I love hearing peoples stories about past pain and how they are learning and growing from that opportunity.

After wandering down and being in awe at all the beauty in the booths and the peoples faces walking around the street fair I found the Avenues Yoga booth and worked there for a few hours. It was really great we got to spread the word about this wonderful yoga studio by handing out free yoga passes. I also got a chance to chat more with the other yoga teachers and we even busted out some partner yoga in the middle of the street fair. Thank you Erin, Paul, Shannon, Sarah for playing with me :-) Before leaving the booth Shannon gave me a phenomenal Thai body massage, it was wonderful to receive and wonderful to watch, she moved with such fluidity and easy.

Now I am going to walk my dogie, review some yoga notes, and then head to a teacher training with Adam.

Teaching as Service

2011-09-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

I was reviewing the Ansuara Teacher Training Manual I came across a section that I wanted to share. John did such a great job explaining the role of a teacher, the importance or self practice, and important qualities to embrace. My childhood dream has always been to be an adventure guide, so I also very much liked his compassion to being an adventure guide.
Ansuara Teacher Training Manual 11th edition by John Friend, Teaching as Service (15-16):

Being a yoga teacher is like being an adventure guide leading a courageous group on a challenging journey to a beautiful, secluded place of transformation. The adventure guide has the responsibility to lead each trekker safely to this magical place. The long trek through wild unknown terrain demands faith, perseverance, and an ability to flow with rapidly changing circumstances. The group must trust the guide, since he is the only one among them who has the experience of traveling successfully to this place. He knows the quickest and safest routes, and the best way to deal with obstacles-- both anticipated and unexpected-- they meet on the way. The journey is often intense and frightening, and the trekkers may experience fear, discouragement, physical discomfort, and the desire to quit and turn back. Everyone is challenged--physically, emotionally, and psychologically. The guide must use all his interpersonal skills, experience, and technical knowledge to lead the group successfully and happily to the destination. His success depends on his ability to connect energetically with the body, the mind, and the heart of each trekker.

However, each of the trekkers is unique-- physically, mentally, and emotionally. This presents a perplexing challenge for the guide, since he realizes that the techniques and abilities he used in the past to make the journey alone, don't always work for everyone. Furthermore, instructions and directions that work for one person might not work for another. The guide must summon all his inner qualities, skills, and experience to constantly create new ways to motivate, inspire, and educate each individual at her own level to make the journey successfully. There is a direct relationship between the depth of the guides experience-- the number of times he has made the journey successfully and the number of people he has guided-- and his cultivation of confidence, maturity, authority. The group intuitively senses his level of experience, and their trust in him is directly proportional. His experience provides the guide with strong empathy for the trekkers. Since he has made the journey in the past, he knows what they are going through, and this helps him lead much more effectively. An experience, effective leader deliberately cultivates his ability to connect energetically with a wide variety of trekkers.

Aside from drawing on experience, the guide must also use technical knowledge to be repeatedly successful in his journeys. Technical knowledge helps make the journey easier, quicker, and safer. It is gained through formal training and, to a lesser degree, through self-discovery. If the guide has insufficient technical knowledge, he could put the group in danger. However, by itself, technical knowledge is insufficient for a successful, enjoyable journey. Many trekkers would certainly quit if the guide used only dry technical instruction to guide them. The guide must blend his technical knowledge with interpersonal qualities and social skills to make the journey fun and uplifting.

In a similar manner, a great yoga teacher must combine sensitivity, creativity, and inspiration with technical knowledge and experience, to help facilitate an inner unfolding in the student. It is the fusion of these qualities and skills that give the teacher the capability to connect energetically with the body, mind, and heart of the student. And it is through this connection that a great teacher is able to lead the students to the magical place where every one's heart opens naturally and where everyone feels empowered and fulled with self-love. Truly, the service of teaching yoga is a divine privilege. Each student is a gift!

at the bottom of the page I wrote "Wonderful, this is why I teach yoga 12/2009"

getting ready for Anusara teacher training with Adam

2011-09-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have been reviewing and re reading The Anusara Yoga Teacher Training Manual & the Master Immersion pamphlet by Anusara found John Friend as I prepare for Adam Ballengers Anusara Teacher Training Program.

Every time I look through these two great sources of wisdom I am reminded of why I love yoga so much. These teaching, the philosophy, the attitude all speak so deeply to my heart. I am first and for most a student, but being a student and having this practice transform every aspect of my life makes me want to share what I have learned with others. Being in pain, doubting your self and your worth, and feeling like the world is against you is not fun... I have been there and I still travel back to these feeling, but what I am reminded of when I come back to my mat or back to my breath is that I am not alone, I am worthy, I am full, and that I am in fact connected to this one, as John says, "pulsating ball of bliss".

I took Immersion 1,2, and 3 from Adam last year as well as teacher training 1. During teacher training 1 it was clear to me that I still needed to integrate and learn more fully the material we went over during the immersion before I would be ready to learn how to teach this wonderful life affirming philosophy and alignment techniques to others. Now it has been over a year since I completed the immersions. I have continued to study and practice regularly with Anusara teachers and I do feel like the information has been digested and felt on different levels in my own practice. I now feel ready and very excited to take this next step in my own personal and teaching practice.

Skull Loop

2011-09-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

I am looking at my yoga photo shoot pictures (**thank you alyography | photography). It is always awesome when you get a chance to look at your own asana practice via pictures or videos so you can see the beauty and to see where the alignment could be shifted to unveil more beauty. Looking through the pictures I see I need to work on skull loop. Skull loop is the 7th of seven of the loops used in Anusara Yoga which starts at the pallet of the mouth travels up the back of the skull, down the front of the face and back to the pallet of the mouth (which is also where the top of shoulder loop connects). In my pictures I see my head moving up my face, chip up and down the back of my head. This is the opposite of skull loop, which also effects my shoulder loop. Looking at the picture below I need to work at taking my ears and teeth back and lengthen the sides of my neck.

The practice of yoga and life....there are always refinements to unveil even more beauty.

monday

2011-08-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

I had such a lovely day. After a week of being envious of my yogi friends studying with John Friend my plan is to go soak up their inspiration in their public classes. This morning I took a class from Jen Hecht at Prana which was so great. Later in the day I took a class from Lyndsey Marie at The Yoga Center. Both of these ladies where beaming with shakti and I got some really great instruction and wisdom that I am very grateful for.

So this is what is getting me even more excited. After taking Lyndsey's class we got a chance to chat and I think I might be getting another opportunity to teach there! I started teaching at the yoga center over 5 years ago when it was run by Leslie Salmon and I was 18. I feel like I have grown up so much in the yoga center and my heart and smile is beaming from the joy of this opportunity.

I will be subbing a class at The Yoga Center this Thursday 5:45-7:15. I will be subbing for a certified Anusara teacher Tiffany Wood and I am super excited and honored to be able to teach in her space.

First Principle

2011-08-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

This morning Tyler and I were talking about doing chataranga out of alignment and how much it can hurt your body over time. I mentioned that just doing chataranga with good shoulder alignment can actually heal shoulder injuries because you are training the body and inner body how tho hold itself on and off the matt.

Tyler then mentioned that one of his favorite qualities he has gained through yoga is the ability to lengthen his spine and maintain that length through out the day. Tyler practices yoga once and a while and he rarely comments on the benefits he experiences so this made me smile. I said "oh, oh that's on aspect of first principle". He kind of shrugged. One aspect I love from the practice is how now through out the day I expand my torso brightly, this is also an aspect of first principle. I asked if he noticed an expansion with the length, "yes, its like a balloon coming up in my chest" oh my, this made me even more giddy. He looked slightly confused. "How does all this length and balloon in your chest make your feet feel?" Tyler said his feet feel so feet feel good and his knees are not hurting as much.

I stopped the conversation at this because it was early in the morning and as much as I would love to continue to talk about first principle spontaneously showing up in our life it was early in the morning and I don't think Tyler shared my excitement. I wish we could have taken the conversation a little deeper. Yes, Tyler confirmed that he experiences physical aspects of first principle: good foundation, side bodies long, inner body bright. But I wander if he also notices an outer body softer. And what really gets my wheels turning is wandering if he has been noticing that he is putting the highest first? and to talk to him about the other non-physical aspects of first principle that we learn through practicing yoga asana.

Off to work, this was just so good that I had to blog before I left.

Spanda baby

2011-08-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Today I taught a class at Avenues Yoga. My theme was on pulsation (spanda). We talked about how everything is in pulsation: your breath, heart, the days, seasons, thoughts, moods, whats happening in your job, relationships, even the smallest atomic particle that can be scientifically measured is in a state of expansion and contraction. I wanted the students to experience this pulsation in a non-reactive way.

I have myself experienced getting attached to certain pulsations, the when things naturally change it causes a lot of distress. However if we can let the pulsation happen, acknowledge it may not be what we want but that this is normal, like the old chiche goes "the only thing constant is change". So pause for a moment and if there is an area in your life that doesn't feel like it is going smoothly remind yourself that it is part of the pulsation. There is also alot of yoga study about negative patterns showing up over and over again (sansakars).

I also pointed out that mercury is in retrograde. Sometimes mercury passes the sun in rotation and this is a good time to be thinking about the future, inventing things, and making plans. However when mercury is in retrograde it is moving back behind the sun so it is a very appropriate time to revise what is happening in your life. To be non-reactive. Mercury in retrograde always makes my mind go vata, very windy and all over the place.

We opened the hips and the shoulders, peak pose was dancer. Main principles was expanding spiral (inner spiral) and contracting spiral (outer spiral). We also worked on kidney loop. After class multiple students came and gave me hugs and said how much they enjoyed the class and how good they feel. This makes my heart smile big. That gave me confidence and put al ittle shuffle in my step :) After yoga I worked with Soul Garden preparing for a beautiful wedding.

Anusara Inspired?

2011-08-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

Wow it has been so long since i have blogged. Busy busy busy. I have been wanting to write up my phenomenal experience from wanderlust. I have so many pages of scribbled notes. One highlight was talking to my friend Doc. He reminded me that all I need to be inspired is 40ish teacher training hours and then a certified teacher to watch my class. I would be so honored and stoked to be part of the merry band of the Anusara community. Before the wanderlust festival there is the anusara inspired gathering and I would so love to be a part of that next year :) I am planning on doing teacher training 1 (i did part of teacher training 1 with Adam Ballenger last year), and teacher training 2.

more soon

The Soul Is Here for It's Own Joy

2011-07-27T13:22:00.001-07:00

I love this poem by Antonio Machado I found in Robert Bly's fabulous book of sacred poems, The Soul Is Here for It's Own Joy. This poem reminds me of having moment of true realizations in shavasana, meditation, and yoga nidra. Hope you enjoy.

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt--marvelous error!--
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt--marvelous error!--
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt--marvelous error!--
that it was God I had
here inside my heart.

Looking for good

2011-07-27T12:33:00.001-07:00

Looking for good...a shift in perspective.

A few recent blogs I wrote have been about looking for the good in various situations. It has been about 2 years since I started studying Anusara and this non dual philosophy which looks for the good in life. This was challenging for me and my ability to do it has come in stages.

At first just my awareness shifted. I became aware of how much myself and others complain. After noticing the negative attitude I would try to look for the good. Then i just had a few good things about my life that i rotated through like how awesome my husband is. But it was challenging and didn't feel very sincere.

With time looking for the good became easier and I got better at finding it in bad situations rather then just reminding myself of an aspect of my life that is already good. I also started to notice that this change of perspective makes me experience a feeling of joy in my body and mind.

Now my mind feels like a babbling brook that continues to look for the good. I often think my friends get annoyed of my because now when they come to me to vent about their problems I am just reminding them of all the good in the apparent shitty situation.

It is nice to see that through yoga teaching my brain is changing. It is much nicer living with a happy voice in my head versus a voice that is negative, judgmental, and self criticism.

Exercise:
Close your eyes and allow your body to settle. Notice your breath and feel the energy sensation around the heart (or even the beating f the heart). Now think of something good that is happening in your life. Try not to get caught up in the story line or specifics but instead focus on emotional quality it brings to your heart.

Happy Pioneer Day in Utah

2011-07-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Pioneer Day, when the Mormon's settled in Utah, today. I wanted to integrate this into my class for tomorrow. On fourth of July I did a theme on fireworks so I thought this state celebration I thought I would focus on defintion of pioneer:

pi·o·neer
<><> <><>

noun /ˌpīəˈnir/
pioneers, plural

A person who is among the first to explore or settle a new area. Tomorrow we will be exploring and opening the shoulders/heart and hips.

A person who is among the first to research and develop a new area of knowledge or activity

- LETS PIONEER THE LANDSCAPES OF OUR HEART

verb /ˌpīəˈnir/
pioneered, past participle; pioneered, past tense; pioneering, present participle; pioneers, 3rd person singular present

Develop or be the first to use or apply (a new method, area of knowledge, or activity)
- USING ALIGNMENT PRINCIPLES WE WILL BE PIONEERING INTO A FEELING OF BLISS.
Open up (a road or terrain) as a pioneer

I want the students to feel like they really explored and settled into there hearts and shoulders. We will be playing intelligently into some poses with one leg abducted and externally rotated. Poses like utthita padangusthasana B, supta padangusthasana B on your side padangusthasana B, vashistasna, galavasana prep work, leading to the peak pose of vashistasna (side plank) with leg extended. I want to focus bravely exploring and entering new territory in the hips and shoulders. I will be emphasising muscular energy, shoulder loop and ssome kull loop. I want the students to be pioners and experience what it is like to open the heart in by using your muscles to draw the shoulders blades toward the back of the heart. Pioneering is also about taking a different approach, so we will work on this approach of accessing or settling into the back of the heart so we can victoriously open the front of our hear

References: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=pioneer&tbs=dfn:1&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=RvQtTqKmCoXUtQOo5umzBQ&ved=0CBgQkQ4&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=1009376907e884e3&biw=1280&bih=687

Updated bio

2011-07-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Here is an updated bio I made for Avenues Yoga in Salt Lake City Utah: http://www.avenuesyoga.com/

Kim’s intention is to help others recognize their own greatness on and off the mat. Yoga is a process of inner exploration, in which we learn to integrate heart, mind and body to experience our natural state of awareness and love.

Kim Achelis Hoggan a student of yoga from the age 16 is also a Registered Yoga Instructor through Yoga Alliance with over 500 hours of teaching experience. Kim has seen firsthand that the practice of yoga offers a way to move through the pulsation of life with grace. Yoga has helped Kim heal her injured body, calm her mind and help overcome addiction, as well as open her heart so she can better love herself and others. Kim’s classes offer clear instruction on alignment, yogic wisdom, a heart based theme, and a sense of adventure. With her vast understanding of anatomy and kinesiology she helps her students find a therapeutic experience in every pose. Often we need to work on getting the body to a place where it is in less pain so we can travel more deeply into the heart.

When Kim isn’t teaching or practicing yoga you will probably find her working in the garden or on an adventure with her husband and dog. Her heart is full of gratitude for her teachers and students.

Take Care of Yourself Like a Nice Car

2011-07-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

Lately my 2006 Subaru outback has been having some problems and it hit me. If you asked someone if they get maintenance on their car, most likely they will respond with a "heck yes" and even an eye roll. Everyone know how important it is to get your car worked on so that it stays running smoothly. Unfortunately people don't hold this same view for themselves and their body. If we are to compare the body to the car, we only get one body and we want it to run smooth and be happy for a long time so we need to get regular work on ourself so things dont burn out, over heat, mutate. A good way to work on ourself I have found is through the practice of yoga, meditaiton, massage, chiropractor, acupuncture...

I took my 2006 Subaru Outback into the dealership today and just got the call for the estimate $3,000. Gasp. I hate to admit it but truthfully I have been slacking on the maintenance for my car. I am lucky it is my car and I can pay some money to get it fixed, or worse case I would sell it. That is not the same situation with our body, we cant get a new one.

(me sweet car)

It makes me happy when I pause and remember how awesome life is and that I should take good care of myself and treat with LOVE.

Mystic

2011-07-17T15:19:00.000-07:00

Mystic: mys-tic [mistik]noun
a person who seeks contemplation and self-surrender to obtain unity with or absorption into the Diety or the absolute, or who believes in the spiritual apprehension of truths that are beyond the intellect.
- Oxford American Dictionary

meditation

2011-07-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

My meditation practice has transformed tremendously since I started meditating with my teacher Clinton Brock who introduced me to a way of mediating that doesn't use any technique. I had been meditating for over five years but my meditation practice has always been technique based whether it be a mantra, a breathing technique, or a visualization... and definitely before I met Clinton my meditation posture was very upright and "proper". Now when I sit to meditate I sit as comfortable as possible and my back is rarely straight. Sometimes I sit in my couch and put a pillow behind my head so my head doesn't bop around, other times I tip my head forwd slightly. I still do practice technique based meditations and I often perform these in a upright position. Since meeting Clinton I have been trying to meditate in this technique free way for a minimum of 20 mins 2 times a day. Wow the momentum it has created in my life has been intense. I feel like all the technique meditations probably got me ready to go deep into this meditation but I also feel like at some point you have to let go of the technique so can enter in even more deeply.

I have a private appointment with Clinton in a few hours and I am very excited to talk and giggle with him.

I also recently gifted myself with Sally Kemptons beautifully written book Meditation for the Love of it. Sally and Clinton at the base of what they are teaching is so identical and it is really wonderful to be hearing it in both of their words because they are saying the same thing in different ways which I think is helping me grasp it even deeper.

So much gratitude for all the rocking teachers out there spreading the knowledge + love

(I wrote this blog after really surrendering to CLintons meditaiton style:
http://authenticselfyoga.blogspot.com/2011/03/go-with-flow.html)

"What Makes Your Heart Sing" a playshop with Tiffany Wood

2011-07-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

My heart feels so full of joy after taking Tiffany Wood's "What Makes Your Heart Sing Playshop" at The Yoga Center. This is the first of a series of 5 or 6 workshops she will be offering at The Yoga Center each workshop focuses on each universal alignment principles.

Yesterday we dove into the first principle: set your foundation and open to grace. I absolutely loved Tiff's approach to help each student really feel 1st principle in his or her body and heart. She helped us create our own joy and humility, she helped us dive into the things that make us happy to see at the core what brings us joy is our underlying oneness we share that pulsates with joy.

She is such a skilled teacher of weaving a theme. The whole class she encouraged us to think of what makes our heart sing. Things that I thought of where: my husband, my dog, family, the garden, yoga, sunlight, love, smiles, hugs, snowflakes, biking, relationships to name a few.

Half way into the workshop Tiffany also offered a dialogue meditation partner work (I guess you could call it). We partnered up and asked the question. "What makes your heart sing" the partner responds "_________ makes my heart sing." the listener then says "Thank you. Why is that important to you". ".........." this is 1 level down, keep going down and you will get to this sweet soft place of connection and love.

Here is my dialogue with my partner Jenny

Jenny: "what makes your heart sing?"
me: "The relationship I have with myself"

Jenny: "Thank you, why is that important to you"
me: "Because it has improved so much and that is a really good thing"

Jenny" "Thank you, why is that important to you"
me: "Because it sucks being at war with yourself. Now I feel like I am on the same team with myself and that feels fabulous"

Jenny: "Thank you, why is that important to you"
me: "Because when I am in good relationship with my self I feel this deep connection to my heart."

Jenny: "Thank you, why is that important to you"
me: "when I feel love and softness for myself my relationship with the whole universe feels more full"
Jenny: "Thank you, why is that important to you"
me: "because it reminds me how silly it is to get wrapped up in my own drama, get to tied up in the mind. When I treat me with love I remember that life really is a pulsating ball of bliss there will be challenges in life but when I am in a good relationship with myself my ability to align and recognize the goodness in life becomes much easier"

This conversation was scary but fabulous to have as the words came out of my mouth in not the best sentences but levels and levels down I found a place to rest in my heart.

(Just got home from a mountain bike ride with the family. Both my my dog Dharma and my husband Tyler made my heart sing)

Transplanting

2011-07-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

I am really enjoying my job. I get to be outside in the garden where I care for and am grounded by the earth.

The other morning I was reading out of my Language of Letting Go book by Melody Beattie and I found a passage I really enjoyed and wanted to share:

"One day, my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plants for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a larger container; then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were transplanting them again.

Inexperienced as a gardener, I turned to my green-thumbed mother. “Isn’t this bad for them?” I asked, as we dug them up and shook the dirt from their roots. “Won’t it hurt these plants, being uprooted and transplanted so many times?”

“Oh, no,” my mother replied. “Transplanting doesn’t hurt them. In fact, it’s good for the ones that survive. That’s how their roots grow strong. Their roots will grow deep, and they’ll make strong plants.”

I love this. I often think that big changes in my life make me weaker. If I am not aware my attitude can shift into a place of defence "I need to have my gard up". That attitude does not bring me much job instead it constricts me. However Beattie reminds me that changes are OPPURTINITIES to make us stronge. This feeliong makes me expand.

Change is the only constant = we constintly have oppurtiniteis

Catch up

2011-07-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

Life is so great. Pause for a moment and feel your heart with gratitude.

Life is also busy...more coming soon

quick summary of some blogs I have been wanting to write but haven't had time:

Tuesdays yoga class, awesome. felt very confident. was very creative in sequencing to help students feet there chest expand...lots of broadening of the collar bones referenced forth of July and the fireworks. Fireworks expand during celebrations. We practiced celebrating our self for who we are, just as we are.
Feel like I am becoming a stronger person on so many levels: a yoga teacher, yoga student, gardener, wife...this is the result of really taking care of myself, ultimately I think the relationship I have with myself has gotten stronger+compassionate and as a result everything is better.
Had a great fourth of July went on an awesome mountain bike ride with my husband and dog.
Fun fact I learned in the garden about transplanting plants that remind me the struggles make us so much stronger.

Oneness

2011-06-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

The last blog I wrote was about a class I took from Chris Timmins where he talked about life being a mix of adventure and ordeals and the importance of attitude. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. There are really hard times in life. People are faced with many ordeals whether it be a physical injury, or a mental state like depression. I am also reading Sally Kemptons awesome book Meditation for the Love of it.

A girl friend of mine is going through a hard break up and has been feeling very depressed lately. I reminded her that past the pain there is still Awarness try to remember that rather then focus on the attachment to the personal identity. She responded saying "that is the hardest thing to do, be with no thoughts in my mind". When she told me this I went to grab Sally's book.

This has gotten me thinking of a class theme idea: Can you cultivate this connection to your Awareness as you move through the practice. Can you notice that no matter what pose you are doing whether your experience is more enjoyable or less enjoyable the back drop to that is this Awareness. Can you notice that "you are intrinsically divine even in your flawed humanness"

So yes on or off your mat you might experience intense sensation, maybe you feel angry or scared, or alone but "if you can remember that divine energy, pure Awareness, God-ness, is present even in the midst of your fear, anger, and depression, it becomes easier to let the feelings come and go without clinging to them" (Sally Kempton: Meditation for the love of it 118)

This is still hard for me to grasp especially going through hard times. But I have had personally experiences where I can feel the Love and bliss deep inside of my being in the midst of personal drama.

Be with what is. A great class from Chris Timmins

2011-06-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

Went to Prana yoga and took a class from the very talented Anusara inspired teacher Chris Timmins. Tim focused on Attitude from the three A’s of Anusara. He referred to a quote that said life is full of both adventure and ordeals. He reminded us we don’t have to make every moment an adventure we can just be with what is present in our life (or our yoga pose) whatever it is.

Some highlights from the class:
Chris knew I was soar from gardening and incorporated in some fantastic psoas stretches using the wall as a prop.
We also partnered up and did an assisted twisted triangle that was phenomenal. The yogi grabs on to the partners calf and hand and can manually get more length and deeper into the twist.
He offered a great neck stretch done laying on your back pre savasana.
He gave some great essentail oil and light head massage that felt heavenly.

I loved it my great is full of gratitude for Chris and his wonderful teachings.

Summer Solstice...Side bodies long

2011-06-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday it was summer solstice and I taught a yoga class at Avenues Yoga in Salt Lake City Utah. I reminded the students that summer solstice is a time for found healing. A time to let go of what isn’t serving you, face challenges and make actions to move forward.

I talked to the students about a very common way we collapse in our bodies which you could call “side bodies short”. This is like shrugging your spine, it is the opposite of standing up tall and proud. We worked on side bodies long which is an aspect of first principle, open to grace. We had lots of fun during the class as we stretched our side bodies in some very innovated ways. I also frequently had the students pause with the eyes close and notice how their inner body felt. If the inner body feels lifted and bright even when paused that is evidence that what they were doing in the pose is training their body to hold itself with more ease and brightness.

I think I was a mad scientist in a past life because I love having a problem that I want to find a solution for. For example lets say the problem I want to solve is holding length in my side body. Then I try out different experiments, like maybe I isometricly push down more here to see if I can expand more here, maybe I just learn to one side, maybe I stretch my leg out to the side and spread my toes.… here comes the important part… You have to observe the results and then adjust your equation according. I remember my multiple experiments learning how to do a vinyasa in a way that didn’t irritate me shoulder and through trail and error my technique and my shoulder have improved.

Got a little off track, In conclusion the class was really great and it was a pretty great turn out. My husband also practiced on Tuesday and I asked if he had any comments or suggestion for my teaching and all he said was “your heart chakra seems like it has gotten a lot bigger, all class your heart looked like it was shining”. Hearing this for sure made me heart shine.

Allergies reminding me of pre-yoga life

2011-06-17T19:56:00.000-07:00

This week my allergies have been awful! My nose is so congested I can barely breathe through it. Because my nostrils are not working I have been breathing or panting through my mouth. This is not fun. Breathing through my nose is a calming experience and breathing through my mouth causes so much discomfort it reminds me of my pre- yoga life of being a mouth breather. Before I started yoga at age 17 I could not breathe through my nose regularly. If I did it would be for a few moments followed by an opened mouth gasp. I remember so many down dogs after having completed a vinyasa where I would catch my breath as quietly as possible. But somewhere into the practice my breathing pattern changed. No I always (unless I have allergies) breath through my nose with ease.

Looking at the brighter side…what a great reminder of the many ways yoga changes my life

thinking about dogs and vulnerability

2011-06-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my friends house and I met her dog, Niko. Niko has never been exposed to abuse. All he has known is love. This made me think of my dog, Dharma, who has been severly abused when she was younger before I got her. When I met Niko he was so open and vonurable. Meeting Niko and seeing his disposition made me think about dharma and how she can not interact like that dog and allow herself to be so vulnerable because she has been exposed to such cruelty.
This made me think of humans in our society. We have been exposed to cruelty over and over. Little unkind things happen daily and bigger wronge doings happen in longer time spans. Just like Dharma and Niko our past exposure to cruelty affects how we show up in all our relationships with one another from a hurt place and we (just like my dog) we don’t allow our self to be fully vulnerable.

To continue my example about my dog….I have had her for almost 5 years and we have such a strong bond and she is her most comfortable around me. But I know she still has her gard up even though I have only showed her love. My husband has showed Dharma so much compassion over these five years yet the ability she has to open up purely with him is still very small. She thinks she needs to be defending herself because of her past experience, she knows that there is a possibility Tyler, like other men in her life, could hurt her.

I thought of all of this in just a few moments and started to cry. It all makes sense…The way I respond and interact with in my relationships it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to be so open because I have been hurt in the past. I think knowing this is going to help me in all my relationships because I will know that it is my nature to hold back and self protect I need make shifts and forgive the past so that I can be more open and free....

no more dreadlocks

2011-06-12T20:38:00.001-07:00

Last Wednesday I cut my dreadlock off. I have been wanting to post a longer blog about this but haven’t had time so here is a quick short one until then…

Cutting off my dreads has been a tremendous shift to my whole being. I started my dreads a long time ago. At that time I had recently started teacher but was still pretty new to. I was still a little injured from my previous snowboarding accidents and I was still competing snowboarding. I had been dating my now husband for about a year. I was a competitive, anxious, sad, judgmental and low self esteemed person. Now six years later so much has changed. I stating practicing and studying yoga intensely, started seeing a therapist, developed a lot of meaningful relationships including with myself. I have learned soo much about myself. I feel like the person I am has become so much more honest and present. I have changed so much since the time I put my dreads and it’s nice to have my physical appearances dramatically shift life the way I feel my inside world has

Love

2011-06-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

Today I went up to Millcreek canyon with some friends and we went on a hike and barbequed. We went on a hike that overlooked that Wasatch mountains it was stunning. The hillsides were so green due to all the water we have gotten this year. I felt embraced by this greenness. I love the color green because that is the color of your heart energy center. Being in the mountains made me feel like I was dwelling in the heart.

Love has also been on my mind lately because I have been reading Sally Kempton’s phenomenal book, Meditation for the Love of it, enjoying your own deepest experiences. There is a wonderful exercise in the book called “Focus on an Experience of Love”. Close your eyes and focus on your threat and ground and center yourself. Start visualizing someone you feel love for or have loved in the past. To make this experience more real add some details into this image. What are they wearing? Where are you? Let yourself feel love for this. Don’t be specific about the love like why you love them just simply feel that love energy you have for that person. Continue to do this for a few minutes until you can really feel the love and then let go of the person and shift your awareness to the love energy itself. Bath in this loving energy.

I love me some heart space awareness.

Here is a link to Sallys book: http://www.sallykempton.com/products/

Thanks for reading, Om shanty. Be Love
Kim

I love my job

2011-06-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

I love my gardening job! Being outside in a garden for 9ish hours a day is wonderful. My boss Marinda at Soul garden is phenomenal! The way she designs and maintains is so beautiful. I fee like a little fairy and each garden I go into and tend is like going to open presents. I also love the stamina and strength I am building both physically, emotionally and even spiritually. I even love how it makes me super sore. This soreness has been a great opportunity to really test out my yoga techniques. Do they really work? Can I come to my mat in pain and leave my mat feeling better through using the universal principles of alignment?

The answer is YES! I am also learning from this opportunity how to maintain first principle, Open to grace, during all aspects of my life. For example when I garden I think about how important the foundation of the feet and the hands are and how important it is to root into the earth. Sometimes I say to myself "actively push your feet into the earth...from the pelvic focal point press down into the earth".

Every day is a wonderful blessing as the garden teaches me more about myself and about life.

New found Strength

2011-06-04T12:34:00.001-07:00

I just got back from taking my first class from Anusara-inspired teacher Chris Timmins at Prana Yoga in Trolley Square. Chris talked about Love and not the romantic way love but the deep Love that we are. We did some really fun poses. We played with jump switch in handstand and I can feel so much power in my handstands and my practice in general since I have been getting so much stronger with my full time gardening job. We also work bakasana (crow) to handstand. I did it with assistance and learned a way to do it next to the wall. I helped assist one of my friends doing it who was very hesitant but she made it up beautifully. After she said “you are so strong you picked me up from the ground basically”. This made me feel really good. As my body gets bigger I sometimes get sad. But this was just a great reminder, “yes my body is getting bigger, but I am powerful and I feel fu*king fantastic”. I feel like this physical strength I am cultivating is reflecting the strength of my heart and my commitment to loving and accepting myself so I may Open to grace fully.

wingin it

2011-06-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

I love studying yoga and I love teaching yoga. I get pretty enthusiastic when I teach. I journal about a heartfelt emotion I want the class to experience, introduce a big-ish idea and make it more understandable by relating it to something smaller, and then decide on a alignment principle that integrates everything together. I also plan a sequence to go along with the alignment principle that is emphasized and includes a peak pose… I have a notebook that I record these journals, vocabulary I want to use, sequences… Yes I plan but part of my plan is that I plan on ditching the plan. And although the class does goes a little different then I had originally outlined the class still tends to go in that direction.

I also get a little stressed about planning everything out. I talked to a yoga teacher friend of mine, Sammy, he was talking about how I should try to be just completely spontaneous. Just the thought of that made my skin crawl, what happens if I went blank? Then I reminded myself that I have been teaching for over five years and have a deep passion for yoga…. A week pasted and I dint think much about it until the night before a morning class I teach came. I was so tired. I didn’t want to stay up and plan a class and a theme so I decided I would just wing it. That morning it was so hard to not get my pen and paper and start brain storming ideas but I resisted..

I taught the class and it was so great. There were a few new to Anusara students in the room. I asked what people wanted to work on, a few people mentioned shoulders. So we did lots of fun shoulder loop work. The poses flowed so smoothly, my alignment ques were very clear I felt very comfortable, and most importantly I had fun yet remained calm. I think it was one of the best classes I taught. I always get nervous before teaching a class but now I am starting to think that maybe me planning stuff out so much is what causes the nervous, will I remember my plan? I want to continue to trust myself as a teacher.

I talked about sthira sukham asanam saying that that not only the way we hold our pose but the way we live our life should have the dynamic balance between stability and delight or vibrancy and ease.

Desert Rocks

2011-06-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

The roller coaster of life continues, things have been crazy busy yet wonderful. I went to a music festival, Desert Rock, in Moab. It was an interesting experience and not in the way I thought. I thought this festival would be a phenomenal just like last year and the years before. It wasn’t. I did make some awesome friends and danced to some groovy music but still something was different. I realized that what I want in my life I can’t find at a music festival. I want to find happiness through union and finding oneness with God. At desert rocks I watched other people turn to drugs and other devices to experience some euphoric feeling. Watching others do this was like watching a mirror of myself I have these attachments and techniques that I use (sometimes with good intentions and sometimes not) but either way I turn away from the moment, away from God, and away from myself. Yoga is often defined as a practice that facilitates union with your self and with God. Yoga isn’t something that is just performed on a yoga mat it is something to practice every moment. May I remember that what I want is NOT achieved through turning to something whether it be drugs, alcohol, food, sex, negativity, objects…. I want something more! I want to open to grace.

(The yoga swing, they had this set up and I went wild on it, felt like a kid on a playground)

(Tyler (my husband) drew this he is such an amzing artist I felt like a lotus flower fairy)

(handstands are fun)

(My husband and I post delicious dutch oven chili)

A Gaelic Blessing

2011-05-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

My grandmother whom I called Spoof was a beset friend, adventure leader and teacher of mine. Spoof past away almost two years ago but I feel her Spoof spirit within my heart. Spoof was very intersted in meditation and yoga and I was very lucky to get some of her books. When I opened her copy of The Bhagavad Gita a bookmark feel out that had this Gaelic Blessing on it:

Deep peace of the

running wave to you.

Deep peace of the

flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the

quite earth to you.

Deep peace of the

gentle night to you.

Moon and stars pour

their healing light

on you.

Deep peace of the

Light of the Word

to you.

many blessing xo

Kim

in the flow of Shakti

2011-05-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for my continued ability to follow my passion, my interest in yoga and my spiritual union with god. Since I began my love affair with yoga six years ago I have faced personal, internal, external, and spiritual challenges as well as put a lot of time, money and dedication into this ancient practice. Standing where I am today, I think back to the person I was when I did my first downward facing dog pose I am shocked at how different my life is on so many aspects Now the relationship I have with myself is of compassion, acceptance and understanding. The relationships I have with others are more meaningful and genuine. The relationship I have with the world around me and the way I step into the current of life/grace is one hundred percent different. Because of my yoga and studentship I am continuing learn how to align and flow with the sweet flow of Shakti through life’s ups and downs.

Courageous

2011-05-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

I just stumbled upon this flyer of a workshop I taught last year at Lifted Life Yoga Center in Alpine, Utah. I love finding something that reminds me of a past moment. Looking at this flyer, remembering the theme of the class reminds me where I was last year. I was so trying to life from the center of my heart, to cultivate qualities of strength, openness, joy and love while letting go of all the “stuff” that prevents me from being heart centered. It took me 5 years to get to that place last year where I could say intellectually understand the qualities I needed to cultivate and the qualities that got in my way. But now through hard work, pain and a lot of growth I now feel more deeply rooted in myself and in the flow of Shakti staying open, courageous and aware.

This flyer also reminded me of the studio owners of Lifted Life where I taught this courageous flow work. Linda is taking the immersion with me. How awesome! One of my favorite things about yoga trainings is that I always make the most wonderful bonds with my fellow students. I am very excited to get to know Linda more and the other wonderful yogi’s and yogini’s in the Anusara immersion.

Courageous Workshop
led by Kimberly Achelis Hoggan

Date: Saturday, March 6 2010
Price: 15$ in advance 20$ drop in
Time: 10:30am-12:30pm
Location: Lifted Life Yoga Center
60 W main street court Alpine, UT 84004
Register: in person, or call 801-492-3689
Level: all level welcome with modifications for the beginner or advanced practitioner

Courage comes from the French word that translates to: live in your heart. In this workshop we will cultivate qualities to help us better live from the center of our heart (strength, openness, joy, love..) as we let go of the qualities that prevent us from being heart centered (fear, anger, tension, stress..) We will explore opening our hips, shoulder, and heart as we flow dynamically while focusing on alignment, as if we were a child playing on a playground. This workshop will be lighthearted, and filled with smiles.

Is your studentship spicey?

2011-05-19T10:07:00.000-07:00

During the immersion last weekend we talked about adhikara (studentship). Everyone is a student of life so the question becomes what is the level of your studentship. John Friend sometimes talks about this with hot sauce. Is your studentship mild, medium, or fiery? We can also look at studentship as being related to the five mahabharatas (elements). When our studentship is in balance with these qualities we experience both more vibrancy and ease, however when they are out of balance they can become very destructive.

1. Sky: unbounded, beginners mind, soft, humble, “just try it attitude”

2. Earth: solid, unwavering, grounded, steadfast

3. Water: fluid, receptive, accommodating, can be very powerful (like a fire hydrant)

4. Fire: transformative energy, passion, aspiring for greatness, burning

5. Air/ ether: dexterity, flexible, not stuck, breath.

Adam offered us a homework assignment of focusing on one element each day, do a short asana practice inspired by that element and journal on your insights. This has been very fun opportunity.

more on adhikara: http://authenticselfyoga.blogspot.com/2010/02/adhikara-studentshipthe-5-elements-of.html

Yoga= invitation to unite Body Mind Heart

2011-05-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

I have been looking at parts of myself that do not seem delightful and I have noticed that the areas I run into pain are conncted to my emotions/feelings coming from my heart as well as my habbits/behaviors that are and associated with my mind. There seems to be areas that do not line up and when my heart and mind are not moving toward harmony life does not feel as good as it could. That is the wonderful invitation of yoga which root word ‘yok’ means to join or unite. Through asana (yoga postures) we use the physical body as a way to access the mind and heart so we may better align and thus experience the pulse of Shakti more sweetly.

opening to Grace

2011-05-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

In the immersion I am taking with Adam Ballenger we have been focusing on the first principle: Open to Grace.

I used to be so embarrassed that I was hanging on to really unhealthy habits and behaviors as I was studying yoga so intensely. I felt like such a hypocrite. Now I understand that I have been pursuing yoga for so long because I so badly wanted to open up to Grace but at the same time I was even more attached smaller then Grace “stuff”. I now see that it was just part of the journey. Although the relationship I have with food and body image has caused me a lot of pain I am grateful because the amount of pain it brought me was enough for me to fight it, learn to let go of it, so I could be in a place to open to Grace. I remember a specific day about two months into treatment where I was really focusing on surrender, “Surrender, surrender, surrender, do what you treatment team is telling you and take a leap of faith”. This was the start of me really opening to Grace. It had to start with an active surrender of my attachments to smaller then grace stuff which (through lots of effort) took so much weight off my shoulders allowing me to rise up get stay grounded. Life is still hard and it is a fight but now over all I feel bright, bubbly with joy, a deep surrender and acceptance. Before although I was a good actor my inner body was very dark and I felt pain, judgment, anger, fear, and anxiety.

learning and growing

2011-05-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

On Friday was the start of the Anusara Immersion with Adam Ballenger. I took the immersions from Adam about a year and a half ago and when I did it blew my mind and melted my heart. I have been looking forward to go through the immersion again to help refine my knowledge and my practice. Hearing Adam talk yesterday and today has really helped me recognize what a different place I am in my life now compared to then. On the first night of the immersion last time I was excited and eager to learn. I tried to scribble down every word that came out of Adams mouth. I was confused when I heard concepts like Grace and organic energy. This time around I understand, and connect with the information. Before the information felt like it was being dumped on me and now I feel like I am participating in the conversation. Now instead of writing down every word I note a few key points, “ah-has” or a reminder to journal more on a topic. Things are making more sense to me now because I have been studying yoga for a while and things are starting to click, and I am now in a healthy place in my life to hear and apply what I am learning. Before all though I thought I was open to grace, but I wasnt. I have learned in order to open to Grace I had to actively surrender all the smaller than grace “stuff” I was attached to.

an oppurtunity to expand

2011-05-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about interaction. Everything that happens is an interaction with something else. An interaction with our self, each other, the earth, the way we interact in our job. From these interactions we experience expansion or contraction. Everything that happens can be looked at as an invitation to expand. But at the same time if we don’t watch our self and our habits our interactions can become a contraction, leading to a contraction leading to a contraction….leading to a sad, upset, angry, feels like the world is against them individual. Instead can we take every interaction as an opportunity: How can I expand with this? How can this enhance life? Even a really bad stuff like death or a natural disaster although painful can still be an opportunity to expand. (Side note: Life is a pulsation so it is natural to have contraction but when you contract it is because you are co-participating with the divine to expand somewhere else)

I led the students through a little meditation having them remember and experience expansion within their body. I suggested times that have made me expand, being honest + vulnerable yet received with love, spending time with my husband, playing with a new baby, looking at something vast and beautiful like the ocean or sky, doing something I love while being present … all these experience have made my inner light expand. When we expand we feel of love, bliss, and surrender that radiates from the inside out and on top of this radiance the outer body melts. It was wonderful to witness a room of students actively expanding!

After this meditation we moved into our asana practice and I reminded the students that every pose is an opportunity to expand, whether that pose is your favorite pose, your least favorite pose, or you need to take a modification… it doesn’t matter! Just like it doesn’t matter what situation you are in, or who you are interaction with, they are all opportunities for expansion, for life enhancement, and deepen your connection with Spirit.

May we remember that we have a choice how to engage. We can choice to engage life in a skillful way that allows us to expand and expand…

OM NAMAH SHIVAYA

May your SOUL ROOT and BLOSSOM

2011-05-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last week was so wonderful! I got a new job landscaping and organic gardening job with Soul Garden I absolutely love the job and feel so so happy, grateful, blessed for this opportunity. I cannot believe that I am getting paid to spend my day outside with my hands in the earth, learning about flowers, and feel like I am connecting with my heart. To top it off my boss is AMAZING and I cannot wait to get to know her and learn from her more. I have made some tremendous shifts in my life lately and being in the garden makes my soul want to sing. On top of that it is such a great opportunity for reflection. I have had so many great blog and class ideas. I also really want to start teaching yoga for gardener’s class because after one full week of working my body is soar.
http://soulgardenearthscapes.com/

Looking forward to 100 hours of Anusara Immerson :)

2011-05-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

Next weekend I am starting the Anusara immersion with phenomenal Anusara certified teacher Adam Ballenger and am so freaking excited. I took the immersion last year with Adam and it was mind blowingly awesome. I started the immersion after getting into Anusara for about 6 months and the immersion really introduced me to the Shiva-Shakti Tantra philosophy that is part of the Anusara style. I was thrilled to be learning this fascinating information but at the same time I was at a pretty unhealthy place in my life and even though part of me was pursuing yoga and expansion there was another part (that I call Ed) that was in constant contraction and fear. I had an amazing experience going through the immersions the first time and I learned so much but I am very eager to go through it a second time now so I can get deeper into the philosophy that I have now been studying for over a year and now I learning how to be more balance and healthy. I am so grateful for my teacher Adam.

Love and acceptance

2011-04-29T12:45:00.001-07:00

For the past few weeks I have been thinking a ton about love and acceptance. It is human nature to want to be accepted and loved. Every person (unless maybe a psychopath) wants this, even “bad guys” want to be loved and accepted by their fellow “bad guys”. We put so much energy, time, effort, money, mind chatter…to find this love and acceptance…from others. However in my experience I did not put enough if any effort into HONESTLY accepting myself and having compassion for myself.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

One of the huge barriers is that what we so desperately want from others, we don’t have for our self. I am learning that if I don’t love and accept myself I can’t fully love and accept anyone else. I am learning the more I cultivate these qualities in myself the more I can connect with others in such a more meaning full way.

Practicing on our matt is a wonderful place to show acceptance and compassion to our self. We can fall in the habit of trying so so so hard to get out body into the shape of a pose and get frustrated that we aren’t doing it right. I suggest you try the pose! Work hard, but also try really really really hard at accepting where you are in the pose, and loving who you are genuinely.

peresonal philosophy

2011-04-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

I am writing my personal philsophy for a job interweiv and I thought I would share this tid bit:

Yoga has been a divine light at the end of the tunnel during times of great struggle for me; when I broke my back and the recovery process from disordered eating. Both of these experiences have improved the relationship I have with myself, my body, my spirituality, my friends, my family, and even strangers. Before these challenges I was a confused, sad, angry, lying, anxious and not present person but the process of healing helped shift my views about myself and others. It helped me become happy, compassionate, not judgmental, not competitive, patient, giving, and caring. These events that I thought were the worst things ever turned out to be such opportunities for growth!

Reflecting/homework Day 1: PAUSE

2011-04-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

I am doing Elena Brower’s Approaching Acceptence 5 day course the first day is pause. We were supposed to become aware of contractions, pause, and use the breath to shift from contraction to attentive expansion.

This is the second time I have done this course. I remember the first time I did this I had such a hard time noticing contractions I was almost frustrated that I couldn’t identify many. Now I see that I didn’t notice contractions because I was in denial to the fact that I was in a constant state of contraction. I am so happy to have compassion for myself and allow myself to surrender to life that I can expand and now learning to notice when I do start to contract so I can soften and be open to how that changes things maybe it moves me back to expansion, maybe I stay contracted but at least I am aware.

Homework, Day 1

1. Write down at least 3 occasions when you noticed a contraction, what preceded it? Where it was in your body? Were you were able to transform it into an expansion using the breathing? What did that feel like?

1. I really want to work at this eco friendly landscaping job for the summer and I was getting ready to talk to the owner. I was so excited and then I started doubting myself and my ability. Thinking I wouldn’t be good enough. I could feel the contraction start with just doubting myself thinking, am I good enough to get this awesome job? As this contraction started I felt my skin getting tighter like I was actually contracting into myself and I also felt something in my heart like a sucking feeling. From here I had a choice I could feed my doubting mind and continued to contract. But instead I paused and said out loud to myself what was happening that I was contracting because I was doubting if I was good enough and then out loud I reassured myself. I have no experience but I am passionate, a hard worker, and a fast learner. I am good enough and I accept myself. This self acceptance allowed me to expand and I felt like my skin went from tight in a state of contraction to soft in a state of expansion. My heart also felt buoyant.

2. I was planning on taking Adams yoga class and plans changed and I ended up going to a community class at avenues yoga studio (where I just picked up a weekly class Tuesday 8:30-9:45am). I was looking forward to moving my body. I knew the class was not advanced but I was excited to be able to work on the anusara principles of alignment. Lately I have enjoyed taking other styles of yoga classes and applying the anusara alignment. When I went into the class the women teaching said that today she was going to do a yoga nidra instead of an asana practice and that she hoped that was ok. I smiled and said that was just fine. But as I sat at my mat and shut my eyes I could feel the contraction start in my brain. Like my brain was mad that what it had planned to do wasn’t going to happen. Again I had a choice as to how I would respond. I could make the contraction worse by feeding it getting worked up either complaining, leaving the class early, or pouting through the whole class. Instead I paused and breathed. Every exhale I was letting go of the attachment of what I expected and as I inhaled I filled myself with acceptance. I acknowledged that is what was happening and I turned it into a positive thing in my mind. I smiled thinking the universe is funny I have been running around all day and I still have a few more things to do after class and I didn’t get much sleep last night. This is the universes way of getting me to slow down. With this I felt myself expand. First the head thing went away and then my skin felt soft and I felt like I was glowing. I felt compassion for myself for not feeding the negativity and choosing to switch my attitude so I could I enjoy myself and accept the present moment. I also felt compassion for the teacher. I went from being a little frustrated to feeling lots of love for her for offering this to me and having the bravery to do that as a teacher. The class was wonderful I left thinking that is just what I needed.

3. I took a stone wrapping class and it was wonderful. The man Vern who taught it was so patient with me. He demonstrated a few times and it was so beautiful to watch I was so aware of what he was doing in the moment and I felt this happiness to be taking this fun class. This is something I would have never spontaneously done before when I was in the eating disorder. There was so much beauty as Vern dances the wire beautifully around the stone. Then it was my turn. I had watched and thought I understood but then my hands just couldn’t do some movement. The two other students seemed to get it quicker then I was and again I started to doubt myself: I don’t think I can do this. I good enough to do this? This contraction felt like my skin was getting tight and I felt anxiety and anxiousness. I paused and instead of making the contraction worse by continuing to judge, critique, and compare myself to other I choose to pause and breath. I said to myself that I don’t need to be perfect at stone wrapping. This is my first time doing this and I am doing this purely to have fun. I choose to accept that my twists are a little funny but I had fun and I accept myself and my effort.

Approaching Acceptence: Day 1: PAUSE

2011-04-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

For the first day of Elena Brower’s 5 day approaching acceptance course we are told to pause and focus on the breath. I am learning that life is about relationships and the interaction that happens within that relationship results in either expansion or contraction. Life/ or the universe is either expanding or contracting we can see this as the seasons change, a heart beats, the ocean moves….

We are in so many relationships and all of these facilitate either expansion or contraction. One of the most important relationships we have is with our self and another important relationship we have is with Spirit/Divine/God/science. I believe practicing acceptance toward our self we can experience Spirit/Divine/God/science.

The idea with the day pause (as I understand) is that we are co participating in our experience with God. Yes there are going to be times when we contract that is part of the pulsation of life because everything in is relationship. One big way I contract is through judging my self, others, and pretty much everything. Rushing and doubting also cause contraction. Often when we feel a contraction we don’t like it and resist life even more causing a bigger contraction. Elena suggests that when we feel the contraction we pause. In that pause we accept what is happening this softens us and we expand!

Approaching Acceptance

2011-04-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

I am doing Elena Brower’s five day Yoga a Course in living “Approaching Acceptance”. This is the second time that I am doing this course and I am very thrilled because I have made tremendous shifts in my life regarding acceptance. Before acceptance was a topic that I could only understand with my mind. Before when I went through this course I was very open to the idea of acceptance however I was also very much in my eating disorder. I thought if I could control my body and get it to a place I liked then I could accept myself, but until then I can still accept others.

Through my experience I now know that I have to be proactively nourishing myself and choosing more appropriate coping mechanisms and in this process I have to remain soft with acceptance and compassion for myself. But acceptance, for me, is not like flipping a switch it took and continues to take lots of work to stay soft, patient, compassionate, and optimistic. I know see how huge a barrier the eating disorder was for my ability to accept anything. I have heard the saying before “if you can not show compassion to yourself you can not show compassion to anyone else.” Before I tried to accept all the things around me but I continued to feel shame and guilt about the person I was.

Through hard work and support from others I am starting to understand acceptance and softness in a new way, I no longer understand it mentally but I can feel it with my whole being. I am learning to accept who I am. This means embracing my whole self including my past struggles and my shame and my guilt. When I fully accept myself in this way I feel a softness inside along with peace, joy and love.

I used to love the way I felt during and after in Elena Brower’s yoga classes (thank you yogaglo) yet she talks about softening a lot and softening was something I could just grasp mentally. Now through this opportunity that the eating disorder has provided for me I now see that softness is acceptance and acceptance is an approach of softness. Now as I take her class I love them to such a deeper level because every down dog and pose I do is an opportunity to soften and learn to accept myself. I can tell you the old saying is right now that I have acceptance for myself I am actually able to accept others too.

http://www.artofattention.com/yoga-of-living-course/

Thank You

2011-04-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting on my experience in yoga. I have been practicing for 7ish years, I have been teaching for 6ish year (I started my teacher training so quickly after finding the practice and I always used to be embarrassed about that but I am learning to embrace my shame).

6 months ago I decided to take a break from all my teaching jobs because I felt like I wasn't in an appropriate space to serve my students. I had a "breakdown" and admitted the truth to my self and my loved ones that i had an eating disorder and started working with a treatment team. Since all that I have been really resistant to my blog. I wasn't ready to tell the truth about the situation thinking maybe I would tell "the world" in a few years down recover.

This disorder which I was so angry about and disappointed in myself actually has become a blessing. Fir the past 6 years I have been really studying yoga and trying to understand the teaching, but through this recovery process I have learned so much about myself, life, and God. Before I could just barely comprehend some of the teachings of yoga and through this weird invitation I am learning to feel the teaching of yoga through my body and heart.

In a few posts ago I was so scared to do my "quick summary" of some of these big events in my life and I haven't received much feedback, but all of the feedback has been supportive and I am so thankful to all of you.

I am learning we all have shame and things we arnt proud of but the more we are secretive about our shame the more it can grow and stop some of the wonderful invitations life has to offer. I am thankful for me (few :)) readers and my loving and supirotive family and treatment team

why practice yoga? a section I love from Anusara Teacher Training Manual

2011-04-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

I am teaching a class at Avenues Yoga tomorrow! 8:30-10:00am I am very excited I have been wanting to teach at this beautiful studio for so long but told myself when the time is right it will happen. And it did my good friend and teacher Jen Hech suggested me to take over her class and I am so grateful for this :). I was looking through the Anusara manual as I gather my ideas for the class and I was reading this and it made me smile so I thought I would share it.

"there are two central spiritual purposes of hatha yoga:

Co-participating with God in making a spiritual art with the body.
Realizing our divine nature through the temple of the body.

The main intention of class is derived from these purposes. For example:

Experiencing our innate goodness, joy, love, worthiness, or divine power through the poses.
Doing the poses as artistic expressions or celebrations of one's spirit.
Purifying the body/mind through hatha yoga in order to create a better vessel for god's love and grace.
Preparing the body to sit more easily for meditation.
Practicing hatha yoga just for the fun and enjoyment of it"

(Anusara Yoga Teacher Training Manual By John Friend pg60)

meditate 2x 20mins a day

2011-04-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Meditate 2x a day for 20 mins (min). Dont use any techniques. Just allow yourself to sit and be still. My meditation teacher told me this 4 months ago and I was very hesitant. Dont use any techniques I love pranayama, and mantra... I have decided through to surrender any resistance so I did this. It is hard to just sit and not use a technique because using a technique gives you some control and it is scary giving up control but when you do it is really amazing. My meditation teacher also reminded me that the first 3 levels of meditation are active mind really active, active, less active hehe i love this. Almost always when I sit to meditate my mind is active but I still just sit still and try not to engage the active mind more. Then I have started to experience really wonderful states of being when I allow myself to give up my control. I feel so much energy within myself sometimes i feel like joy is being poured upon me as if my body was a cup and there is so much joy it is overflowing the cup. Sometimes I feel so much love expesically on my chest and face. Sometimes I feel like I an submerged fully in an ocean of peace and surrender.

I have been going through some ruff times as I work with my treatment team to help me recovery from disordered eating. But I truly believe that because I have been taking the time to just be still and feel the divine energy in me, I really think it is shifting my attitude and I think that has made so much difference on my success in recovery. The more I sit and I feel that joy, love, surrender, acceptance however I feel the divine in that meditation session when get up from mediation and go about my life I still keep some of this yumminess knowing that I am full of this energy. No matter how the pulsation of life is going there is still intrinsic goodness with in my being

off to see the dietitian

update on me as a learn to let go of unhealthy habits

2011-04-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

I haven’t blogged in a very long time and thought I would do a really quick update and there will be more to come. If you have read my blogs you might have noticing I was skirting around an "issue" of mine. Over a year ago I wrote one of my first blog entries about letting go of habits that don’t serve your higher self (http://authenticselfyoga.blogspot.com/2010/01/do-your-habits-serve-your-higher-self.html) When I said that I was also talking to myself. A few months ago I told my husband and family that I have been struggling with an disordered eating. Since then I have been working with a treatment team and things are getting much better.

I think we all have habits or patterns that we particularly struggle with and I think in facing those problems and shifting them is such an invitation and opportunity to get to know our self more and to engage life more fully. I think that is what yoga is. It is about learning how to respond to life situations in ways that connect us to our heart instead of reacting with a habit/pattern in my case engaging in my eating disorder because that does not connect me to my heart.
wow it is so nice to share this and not have it be a secret. Bad habits and patterns thrive when we keep them to our self.

Hoop dance

2011-04-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

go with the flow

2011-03-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

As I continue to learn more about myself and how to come into balance for me, I have noticed that I need to surrender to life. I like most people have a tendency to want to control life. I don't want to not go with the flow, I just want to be in charge of where the flow is going and when I will get there (hehe). I am learning that this sense of control does not bring me more joy. Instead the need to control and plan has manifested in my imbalances.

On Tuesday I took a really great meditation class from my new teacher Clinton. His view on meditation is different then what I am used to, instead of using various techniques he suggests just open to the divine presence (whatever you want to call it) that already exists inside of us. Although he doesn't discount technique he just recommends surrendering and seeing what happens. Its like the Buddha he sat for a very long time and eventually became enlightened. After he became enlightened many others wanted to as well some were so focused on technique that they tried to lie on their side with there feet stacked in a particular way like Buddha did hoping it would bring them enlightenment. The point is, we can get caught up in technique.

I have taken some meditation classes with Clinton before and had heard his recommendation of doing nothing but wanting to be in control I would use a specific techniques visualization, mantra, and breath. After the meditation I would feel good and like I had been meditating. But on Tuesday I decided to just try it his way. Not sit in my perfect siddhasana but instead relax into the chair I was sitting on and just surrender. Giving up my thoughts, my mood in order to experience the abundant flow of Divine/Universal/God (call it what you want). And I did. I completely surrendered and I got taken into deeper and deeper, finer and finer forms of energy. It was scary it caused a little anxiety but I surrendered to that to.

I am learning it is always hard to let go of our coping mechanisms (in this case incessant thinking, negative self talk, perpetual planning) but once we dare to take that leap we in fact experience peace, joy, and humility. Toward the end of the meditation that Tuesday my body felt like it was moving almost shaking, I felt so much electricity and a soft hmm. I felt like my body was merely a capsule for life energy. I had never felt that way before a few tears ran down my face but not sad tears but tears of a girl who felt totally accepted, loved and content in that moment with so much energy yet so grounded and humble.

That way of meditating was so powerful for me and I have continued to do it every day for at least 20mins working up to 20 mins 2x a day. That type of meditation I think was so powerful for me because it was going with the flow without trying to control, or predict, or worry where that flow is going.

Spring an oppurtunity to change our perspective

2011-03-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

Spring is just around the corner/ week!!

It is normal as spring approaches for people to do spring cleaning. Tidy up the house, closets, and garages with things accumulated over the winter. Boxing up or getting rid of clutter that they don't need anymore. Well that is what I am doing but not only for my apartment but for myself removing false beliefs, habits, negative self talk that are not needed. One of the ways I am trying to do with is with a daily practice of 5 mins in sirsasana (headstand) followed by balasana (childs pose) and a seated meditation. I do this because spring cleaning is about shifting our perspectives. It is no longer cold winter we are moving into sunshine and flowers! So every day as I do my inversion I am physically changing my perspective and then I continue that in my seated meditation and hopefully I take it with me as I go through my day. Maybe I loss it but it doesn't matter because the next day I will do it again, and maybe I can hold onto that new perspective longer.

Happy almost spring to you!

meditate in a train station

2011-03-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took a class from Jennifer Ellen Mueller at Prana yoga in trolley square slc ut. It was really fun taking a class from JE, she was my first main teacher from whom I learned so much and did my first teacher training with at flow yoga/sonic yoga. Anyways at the end of the class in savasana she mentioned something that I had heard her say many times before (but was something I needed to here in that moment), that she learned to meditate on the subway in NY. In the subway there are people talking, laughing, yelling, alarms going off, phones ringing, trains passing… She compared this to the constant activity that is always going on in the mind, there are always thoughts coming and going, alarms going off…. She also mentioned how it feels to go to the top of a mountain experiencing silence, solitude, and peace. We need have the ability to create that same silence within the hussel and bussel of life.
The idea of being secluded in the mountains, in a cave, in an ashram is very much that of a renunciate like the yogis in ancient traditions who left behind their worldly possessions and the metaphorical train station to live in silence, and solitude to practice pranayama, meditation and asana..

One think I love about tantric yoga is that it is the yoga of house holders who work, have families, pay bills. This is the yoga I try to practice but lately I have been isolating myself like a renunciate. JE reminded me that when we face challenges, and when life seems so overwhelming. That IS the invitation of yoga.

May I view the challenges and chaos in my life as opportunities and invitations to drop into my heart, into the moment, and find peace, clarity and stillness. May I find the eye of the storm the place of stillness in any tornado I find myself in.

"A true yogi may remain dutifully in the world; there he is like butter on water, and not like the easily-diluted milk of unchurned and undisciplined humanity. To fulfill one's earthly responsibilities is indeed the higher path, provided the yogi, maintaining a mental uninvolvement with egotistical desires, plays his part as a willing instrument of God." (Yogananda, Autobigraphy of a yogi,p. 222)