Is shame something you focus on in yourself or in your parenting? I would love to hear from you about your personal relationship with shame.
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The topic of shame is something I am very passionate about after realizing how much my own shame talk contributed to my low self esteem and feelings of self worth.
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Now I do not use shame on myself or others! Shame talk is not allowed in our house! I try my best to keep my kids from feeling shame. Guilt yes!! But shame no!! I never ...want them to doubt there goodness or self worth!
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Do you know the difference between shame and guilt. Although they may seem similar, shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, and aggression. Where guilt is connected to empathy and understanding and motivation.
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Shame= you make a mistake + “I am bad” = “I am a mistake”
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Gulit= you make a mistake + “I did something bad” = “I made a mistake”
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Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement. Guilt motivates us to take positive action to align with our values.
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I encourage you to look for shame and guilt. Do you ever drop something and say or think “I am
Stupid, I can’t believe I didn’t that!” That’s shame! When I started noticing this I was amazing how much shame talk I saw in my head and all around me.
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For example. Someone saw Violet (my 1.5 year old daughter) pick her nose and said “nobody wants to see that”. To me that sounded like shame. Instead of saying maybe there is a more appropriate place to do that. Or do you need a tissue? Or remember she is 1!
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Another example. When I started paying attention to this I noticed I shamed my husband when we would argue. I made him feel like he wasn’t worthy. When what I should have been doing was maybe laying on a little guilt. But never ever shame! I never want to shame others or be shamed!
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We are all innately, unique, awesome, and WORTHY! yes. We make mistakes. But we are not those mistakes. Can we use those mistakes to help us improve in the future. To motivate us to take positive action. Instead of shame ourself and live in fear that we are unworthy and disempower us!
.
“I am worthy” “I am good” are some of my favorite affirmations.
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.
.
The topic of shame is something I am very passionate about after realizing how much my own shame talk contributed to my low self esteem and feelings of self worth.
.
Now I do not use shame on myself or others! Shame talk is not allowed in our house! I try my best to keep my kids from feeling shame. Guilt yes!! But shame no!! I never ...want them to doubt there goodness or self worth!
.
Do you know the difference between shame and guilt. Although they may seem similar, shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, and aggression. Where guilt is connected to empathy and understanding and motivation.
.
Shame= you make a mistake + “I am bad” = “I am a mistake”
.
Gulit= you make a mistake + “I did something bad” = “I made a mistake”
.
Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement. Guilt motivates us to take positive action to align with our values.
.
I encourage you to look for shame and guilt. Do you ever drop something and say or think “I am
Stupid, I can’t believe I didn’t that!” That’s shame! When I started noticing this I was amazing how much shame talk I saw in my head and all around me.
.
For example. Someone saw Violet (my 1.5 year old daughter) pick her nose and said “nobody wants to see that”. To me that sounded like shame. Instead of saying maybe there is a more appropriate place to do that. Or do you need a tissue? Or remember she is 1!
.
Another example. When I started paying attention to this I noticed I shamed my husband when we would argue. I made him feel like he wasn’t worthy. When what I should have been doing was maybe laying on a little guilt. But never ever shame! I never want to shame others or be shamed!
.
We are all innately, unique, awesome, and WORTHY! yes. We make mistakes. But we are not those mistakes. Can we use those mistakes to help us improve in the future. To motivate us to take positive action. Instead of shame ourself and live in fear that we are unworthy and disempower us!
.
“I am worthy” “I am good” are some of my favorite affirmations.
.
.
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