Saturday, March 10, 2012

Remembering my capability

I am going back to massage school on Monday and my husband and I are buying a home (closing in middle of April). I find myself thinking "I don't know if I am smart enough to do school" "I don't know if I will be able to handle school" "I don't know if I will be good at giving my home TLC" "I don't know if I can handle owning a own". I have thought very much about buying a home and going to school. I do really want these, and I am in a great place in my life to go for them, but my silly brain is frequently telling me I am not capable. In fact my brain often has me doubting my ability to do things.

It makes me think of a Hanuman myth: Hanuman had Gods as parents so he was no ordinary child. He was energetic, inquisitive, and super strong. When he was young he created some chaos for example once he mistook the sun for a ripe fruit and leaped into the sky attempting to grab it. The other Gods knew how horrible it would be if there was no sun so they called Lord Brahma to solve this problem. Brahma put a curse on Hanuman removing his knowledge of his powers. His powers are always available to him he just forgets and doubts he has them. Thankfully his friend Jambavant often reminds him which inspires Hanuman to do some pretty awesome tasks like growing big in size and leaping over an ocean, shrinking in size to defeat a demon, carrying a whole mountain on one hand back to Ram....

I like to believe that I have this same curse. That really I have the ability to be SO strong, smart, brave, loving, and patient but this darn curse makes me afraid to apply myself fully because my head fills with doubt. I try to have faith and believe that I really am capable of so much.

I love seeing this in my yoga practice. There have been so many poses that I was just positive I could never do. However, showing up on my mat and continuing to do my best even when it didn't
Definition of Capable:

having ability; able to do things well; skilled; competent
Having capacity or ability; efficient and able
Having the inclination or disposition

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