go with the flow

As I continue to learn more about myself and how to come into balance for me, I have noticed that I need to surrender to life. I like most people have a tendency to want to control life. I don't want to not go with the flow, I just want to be in charge of where the flow is going and when I will get there (hehe). I am learning that this sense of control does not bring me more joy. Instead the need to control and plan has manifested in my imbalances.


On Tuesday I took a really great meditation class from my new teacher Clinton. His view on meditation is different then what I am used to, instead of using various techniques he suggests just open to the divine presence (whatever you want to call it) that already exists inside of us. Although he doesn't discount technique he just recommends surrendering and seeing what happens. Its like the Buddha he sat for a very long time and eventually became enlightened. After he became enlightened many others wanted to as well some were so focused on technique that they tried to lie on their side with there feet stacked in a particular way like Buddha did hoping it would bring them enlightenment. The point is, we can get caught up in technique.

I have taken some meditation classes with Clinton before and had heard his recommendation of doing nothing but wanting to be in control I would use a specific techniques visualization, mantra, and breath. After the meditation I would feel good and like I had been meditating. But on Tuesday I decided to just try it his way. Not sit in my perfect siddhasana but instead relax into the chair I was sitting on and just surrender. Giving up my thoughts, my mood in order to experience the abundant flow of Divine/Universal/God (call it what you want). And I did. I completely surrendered and I got taken into deeper and deeper, finer and finer forms of energy. It was scary it caused a little anxiety but I surrendered to that to.

I am learning it is always hard to let go of our coping mechanisms (in this case incessant thinking, negative self talk, perpetual planning) but once we dare to take that leap we in fact experience peace, joy, and humility. Toward the end of the meditation that Tuesday my body felt like it was moving almost shaking, I felt so much electricity and a soft hmm. I felt like my body was merely a capsule for life energy. I had never felt that way before a few tears ran down my face but not sad tears but tears of a girl who felt totally accepted, loved and content in that moment with so much energy yet so grounded and humble.
 
That way of meditating was so powerful for me and I have continued to do it every day for at least 20mins working up to 20 mins 2x a day. That type of meditation I think was so powerful for me because it was going with the flow without trying to control, or predict, or worry where that flow is going.