Thursday, January 31, 2013


One of my current favorite people who have been bringing, inspiration, knowledge and truth into my life has been the research professor Brene Brown, fabulous author of many books including The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isnt), blog writer, and gives excellent lectures (here is 2 of her TEDtalks on vulnerability and shame).

Here are some things I have learned from her specifically about perfection and let me just say this "My name is Kim and I am a recovering perfectionist" not to say I was ever perfect but I strived to be what I thought was perfect and all it brought me was lots of misery, anxiety, and self hate. I love the research she has done on this topic.
  • Perfection is impossible, yet many people still spend time and energy trying to attain it
  • We are drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth, not people who are perfect. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect.
  • Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, we can avoid the pain of blame and judgment. Brene says "Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame"
  • All people need love and belonging

The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites. So many of us have created a long list of worthiness prerequisites:

• I'll be worthy when I lose 20 pounds
• I'll be worthy if I can get pregnant
• I'll be worthy if I get/stay sober
• I'll be worthy if everyone thinks I'm a good parent/friend/lover
• I'll be worthy if I can hold my marriage together
• I'll be worthy when I make partner
• I'll be worthy when my parents finally approve
• I'll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I'm not even trying

Dr. Brené Brown
Brene Brown

She encourages us to be courageous and let go of "What will people think?" to "I am enough RIGHT NOW".

The root of the word courage is cor which is the Latin word for heart. This definition has changed its meaning over the years and now is more synonymous with being heroic. It originally meant to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart. She says although we need heroes, what really is courageous is being able to speak honestly and openly about who we are and what we are feeling and about our experiences both good or bad. 

I love that she has started this movement of "from perfection TOWARD COURAGE".

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