in the flow of Shakti

I am so grateful for my continued ability to follow my passion, my interest in yoga and my spiritual union with god. Since I began my love affair with yoga six years ago I have faced personal, internal, external, and spiritual challenges as well as put a lot of time, money and dedication into this ancient practice. Standing where I am today, I think back to the person I was when I did my first downward facing dog pose I am shocked at how different my life is on so many aspects Now the relationship I have with myself is of compassion, acceptance and understanding. The relationships I have with others are more meaningful and genuine. The relationship I have with the world around me and the way I step into the current of life/grace is one hundred percent different. Because of my yoga and studentship I am continuing learn how to align and flow with the sweet flow of Shakti through life’s ups and downs.

Thank You

I have been reflecting on my experience in yoga. I have been practicing for 7ish years, I have been teaching for 6ish year (I started my teacher training so quickly after finding the practice and I always used to be embarrassed about that but I am learning to embrace my shame).

6 months ago I decided to take a break from all my teaching jobs because I felt like I wasn't in an appropriate space to serve my students. I had a "breakdown" and admitted the truth to my self and my loved ones that i had an eating disorder and started working with a treatment team. Since all that I have been really resistant to my blog. I wasn't ready to tell the truth about the situation thinking maybe I would tell "the world" in a few years down recover.

This disorder which I was so angry about and disappointed in myself actually has become a blessing. Fir the past 6 years I have been really studying yoga and trying to understand the teaching, but through this recovery process I have learned so much about myself, life, and God. Before I could just barely comprehend some of the teachings of yoga and through this weird invitation I am learning to feel the teaching of yoga through my body and heart.

In a few posts ago I was so scared to do my "quick summary" of some of these big events in my life and I haven't received much feedback, but all of the feedback has been supportive and I am so thankful to all of you.

I am learning we all have shame and things we arnt proud of but the more we are secretive about our shame the more it can grow and stop some of the wonderful invitations life has to offer.  I am thankful for me (few :)) readers and my loving and supirotive family and treatment team

Spanda

It is great scientists are now confirming what yogis have known for years. That EVERYTHING is pulsating, everything is vibrating. Spanda is the name used for the subtle pulse of the universe as it manifests into form.

I have been thinking a lot about pulsation lately. I have been busy and sometimes I feel like I am fighting life. I know this feeling is because my pulsation is in conflict with the pulsation of the universe. This is one of the reasons I love yoga because I can realign myself with the flow of Grace. When I feel like I am fighting against the flow, I pause, I breathe, I practice meditation or asana, I remember I am connected to something bigger then myself and “this” homework assignment.

I was thinking about this and about how when we line up with Divine. When we are not fighting the natural flow things are more enjoyable. I was surfing the web the other day and I found this quote I thought it was so perfect:

“The whole world is an ocean filled with waves, learn to float on them and don’t get caught in them. Equanimity or balance is yoga. Learn to balance yourself and you will enjoy everything” Sri Gurudev

I know that spanda and quantum physics is super specific and complex. This is my way of breaking it down into simple words along with hand motions I use to help me explain it in class. My explanation is just to help explain the idea, in a fun way.

I applied/translated this to my idea of spanda.
The who world is an ocean filled with waves = the universe is constantly pulsating (I like to imagine this complex pulsation as one simple wave motion. I use my hand and make big wave motions).
Learn to float on them= learn to align yourself so you are pulsating on the same vibration as the universe (now I use both of my hands to make a wave motion that are in sync so everything is smooth and enjoyable).
And don’t get caught in them = don’t pulsate in opposition to the universe (to explain this with my hands I use both my hands going in the same directions but at opposite times (like a figure eight) so my hands collide in the middle of the wave).
Equanimity or balance is yoga.
Learn to balance yourself= learn to align with the divine (practice yoga)
And you will enjoy everything= life is full of SHRI

There are three main ways that we fight the natural pulsation of life, like three different vibrational levels. We all have a tendency to fall toward one of these in certain situations:
1. Sad
2. Anger
3. Fear

On Thursday I talked about this for my yoga hour class (only 4$ at the yoga center). It was really fun. We worked on holding poses up to two minutes. I talked about how when you hold a pose the body and mind can start to resist and contract. You start to bit your teeth or tighten the muscles around your eyes. This is what happens when we flow against the pulsation of the Divine. What’s great about Anusara yoga, is we can use the principles of alignment to find the optimum place for us in the pose. This is moving toward the optimal blueprint. When we are in this place it is magical. Instead of contracting and getting irritated we are full of love. We feel the deeper meaning of life, a sense of acceptance of our self. This is aligning with the divine. This is a way to match up our pulsation with that of Grace. And what is so cool, is if we can do this on the mat we can start to do it off the mat as well.

Here is a sutra I love from The Radiance Sutras (translated by Lorin Roche, Ph.D.) about spanda:
31. Experience the substance of the body and the world
as made up of vibrating particles,
and these particles made up of
even finer energy particles.
Drifting more deeply,
feel into each particle
as it condenses from infinity
and dissolves back into it
continuously.

Noticing this, breathe easily
with infinity dancing everywhere.