reflecting on the pause

There are many things I love about Anusara yoga, of these is the life affirming philosophy. I love how Anusara teaches you to see beauty everywhere and in everything. This includes our asana poses. When I started yoga, whenever I was in a pose in the back of my head I would think: what am I doing wrong? Am I doing the pose right? The practice has taught me that I cannot do the wrong thing, so my pose would be good. In my mind it was either you were doing the pose correctly or you weren’t.... However, Anusara says that no matter where we are in our pose (as long as we are not pushing into pain) we are beautiful. We are doing good. The practice and the fun begins by seeing how we can enhance the beauty that is already in our pose.

As I wrote in earlier posts, I have been doing a course from certified Anusara teacher Elena Brower. On the first day we were told to notice the difference between expansion and contraction in our physical body. We learned that almost every contraction comes from the negative states of either rushing or doubting. We learned that if we can fine tune our attention to notice when we start to contract we can pause and breath and allow our self to experience the freedom of expansion over the limitation of contraction. I really love this. It reminds me of spanda, of this pulsation that under lies all life. John Friend once said that, “the whole universe is just one big pulsating ball of bliss”. We, you, me, your neighbor… are all intimately connected and apart of this blissful ball expanding and contracting. As I was initially thinking about this my mind wanted to think that when I was contracting that was a bad thing. Just like I used to think if my pose wasn’t perfect it must be completely wrong. Then I started to think about this life affirming positive thinking aspect of Anusara. I realized the contraction isn’t a bad thing at all. First, if there wasn’t any contraction there would never be expansion, but also the contraction is bad. The contraction is hiding our greatness from our selves. So we are always great, we are always powerful, we are always perfect, and we are always whole….However it is when we contract that we forget and we think we are bad, we are weak, we are undeserving, and that we are missing something… But just because we have forgotten as we contract does not mean that at that moment when we are so tight, so closed in, even in that moment we are magnificent. When we pause, when we breath, when we remember that we expand!

This was the theme for my class this morning at Flow Yoga EMC 9:15-10:30am. The class was great I have been out of town and missed the past few classes and I was so surprised and happy to walk in and see a room full of familiar faces and friends (many Anusara students which is always fabulous) who came with me for the one class I teach at flow before I leave for one last trip (rafting down cataract canyon). We had lots of fun we focused on expanding (inner) and contracting (outer) spiral.
Tonight teaching at the yoga center 5:40-7pm.

Can we experience the expansion and contraction of this pulsating ball of bliss? As we notice that we contract can we not get discouraged and think we are bad, but can we remember the pose we are in, and who we are is perfect!

PAUSE

I have been focusing on Day 1 of Elena Brower’s Yoga of living course. This first day is called PAUSE and Elena encourages us to notice the difference between expansion and contraction in the physical body. She says that contractions are almost always caused by two negative states caused by rushing or doubting. She then says when you notice yourself contracting “take one breath to shift from contraction to attentive expansion”.

The homework:
1.Write down at least 3 occasions when you noticed a contraction, what preceded it? Where it was in your body?
2.Were you were able to transform it into an expansion using the breathing? What did that feel like?

I really am enjoying today’s assignment. Using my attention to notice when I am expanding and when I am contracting. When I am expanding I feel open, spacious and full of love. When I expand I feel big and powerful, but at ease and full of acceptance. When I am contracting I feel closed, sad or anger. When I am contacted I feel so small, weak, unsure and so wrapped up in myself.

As I work up this morning I stated my intention. I took a few deep breaths and I noticed how this act of breathing with awareness helps me expand. As I started my morning I started by experiencing this wonderfully open state of expansion.

As I moved about my morning I keep my attention of this expansion and contraction. There were many times as I would be doing something that I could feel this contraction. I could feel myself getting small. Being a yogi I am very aware of my body, when I felt myself contract I felt my back slightly round, and my shoulders roll forward. I could feel my brain hurt. As I started the day I knew I would have many contractions but I was surprised how many I noticed and how such little things would set them off.

I did notice that every contraction was caused by me judging/doubting myself/others or from me rushing.

DOUBTING:
•I was thinking about how I already love this course from Elena Brower and how excited I am for working with the next assignments. Then I thought about sharing it with others…on my blog and my friends and fellow teachers. It was in this moment I contracted. I doubted how much knowledge I already have, and I wanted to hoard this wisdom and keep it to myself so I could be the best. I felt myself contracting and tightening from my brain, my heart, and into my core. I was driving my car and I felt my back slightly round like a scary Halloween cat as my shoulders rolled in as if I was protecting my heart. I paused as I noticed this, and I turned to my breath. I wasn’t even trying to figure out if I would share this knowledge or not. As I shifted my awareness to my breath I naturally sat up straighter (inner body bight) and corrected my shoulders (shoulder loop, who knew you could practice Anusara in the car). I felt myself starting to expand from my pelvis, up my ribs and out my heart. I felt open and full of gratitude, and my head felt more spacious. In this new state of expansion the choice went away, of course, I would share this knowledge.
ohttp://www.artofattention.com/ sign up for the email list sign up and you will get emailed a password, then you can access the course from that same webpage.

RUSHING:
•Tyler (my husband)and I have been looking for apartments. I wanted to turn in my application by 9am and we didn’t even leave the house until 10:30am. After we left the house we had to stop and pick up pay stubs and we had to go to the Social Security Building to get a recipt that says our SS# on it, since I couldn’t find our cards and the apartment wouldn’t accept our passports. This caused many contractions caused by rushing.
oWhen we first got in the car after being an hour and a half late I could feel my heart beating and I was quickly calling the apartment office to see if anyone had turned in their application (we were told that 3 other couples picked up applications and it was all about who turned the application first). I asked if I could bring my passport instead of my social security card and she said no. After hanging up I noticed that I missed the start of this contraction and I was fully in it. I was rushing and not enjoying this moment. I thought just turn to your breath and expand. Unfortunately, this time it was not that easy. As I breathed I was also repeating the mantra “slow down…open” in my head. This did lesson my contraction but I was not experiencing expansion. My day continued like this. As I felt a contraction brought on from rushing I would pause and breath, this did lesson the contraction and allow me to open to the experience but I didn’t feel completely spacious and peaceful. However it was really awesome to be aware of this (noticing the contraction, bringing space to it and noticing what happens,,, a little less contracted) instead of just going through the day with each little thing continuing to close me off more and more and more.

What I learned from today’s experiment was that I was able to use my attention to see when I tightened in on myself and then used my breath to open myself back up I was aware that if I didn’t choose to pause and breath and allow myself an opportunity to expand out of the contraction I would have stayed tightly contracted. I feel very fortunate that I often take time to breath, sit quietly, and practice yoga. All of these activities give me opportunities to expand. When I do them they help assist me to expand out of any contractions that occurred earlier. But what is difficult about this is I don’t know what the contractions came from so I can’t deal with them as appropriately and use them for growth. What I liked about this assignment is it has given me a tool to help me learn how to notice when I contract, what it feels like, and what causes the contraction. This knowledge teaches me more about myself, so I may be aware when I contract and when I expand, and hopefully through discipline and attention I can start to shift some of my habits and thinking processes so I can reside in this open, peaceful, accepting nature of expansion.

(As I re read this last paragraph it reminds me of why we practice yoga, why we even care to look at our self…to know more and be happy CHIT ANANDA)

Elena Brower, Yoga of living course

(it has been awhile since I hav posted, got home from Figi and was jet lagged badly for more then 3 days, but am starting to get back into the swing of things)

On June 23rd I was reading certified Anusara teacher, Christina Sell’s blog. She was talking about her friend certified Anusara teacher, Elena Brower. Christina said “the thing with Elena is, she is always examining herself. She is always looking for a doorway in. In--to her heart, in--to a deeper connection, in--to some corner of herself she has avoided seeing and needs tending to and in that watching, in that self-examination she continually touches a very holy place. She not only invites others to do the same for themselves, but she makes it safe for them to do the sometimes frightening work of Looking Inward.”

I was SOO interested. I also think it is important to look at ourselves. Look into the dark spots that can be scary and see how those dark frightening places can help us find discover more about who we are. This self examination can help teach our self that instead of avoiding those scary spots, that we can actually use them for greater transformation and revelations. I thought Elena sounded lovely and I knew I wanted to learn more about her and what she has to offer…

After getting home from my trip and un packing I started look into Elena. I found wonderful video, articles…May favorite thing (so far) that I have found was a course that Elena Brower offers called “Yoga of Living Course”, Elena writes “In these 5 days, you’ll learn to practically observe yourself with no judgment, in order to release limitations and refine your relationship to yourself. You’ll build trust and steadfastness in your inner life, and experience more trusting connections in your outer life…Steady, diligent practice is everything. Do this for yourself – these 5 days will yield more clarity and ease in your work or creative life, your relationships and every interaction.”

In this course Elena gives an assignment, gives you something to focus on for one day along with some journeying homework to reflect on your experience.

I am looking forward to this “invitation to observe and deconstruct the veils [I’ve] placed between [my] brain and [my] heart, as well as the walls [I’ve] constructed blocking love in all its forms from [my] life and experiences.” ( I switched the yous with I’s)

This week teaching schedual: WED Flow yoga slc EMX 9:15-10:30am, The Yoga Center 5:40-7:00pm. FRI my morning class will be subbed I have a 5 hr ourientation at the U of U. SUN 10:15-11:30 (this class should be fun :))

Upcoming events for this week!!!!
THE PRACTICE AT THE YOGA CENTER WITH FABULOUT TEACHER JEN HECHT 5:40-7:40PM
MASTER CLASS AT LIFTED LIFE YOGA CENTER WITH GROOVY ADAM BALLENGER 9:00-10:45AM

Reflecting on Fiji day 4

Yesterday was so wonderful. A wonderful day of deepening my connection to my heart and the heart of the people here and the heart of the unity of the world. We found a wonderful Hindu taxi driver named “Sak” I believe, my mom kept calling him “Shakey”. I really enjoyed his company and his insight. Most of the people we encounter are Fijian, they tend to be heavy meat eaters and their main religion is Christian. Not that this is bad, but yesterday we went to a Hindu temple and I really wanted to talk about the deities so I feel very fortunate to have “Sak” as our driver, he said it is important not to eat meat when you visits the temple. The temple was so wonderful we were asked to dress modestly and to remove our shoes. As we approached the temple I could see the multiple bright colored murties and deities that towered high in the sky. I am sure I had a huge smile across my face as I asked Sak “is that Ganesha? Is that Lakshmi? Is that Krishna?…” Once we got there Sak told us we were lucky because there was a wedding that was ending. We saw the family gathered around as the new husband and bride walked out of the temple hand in hand. We also saw an old car that was pulled in pretty close to the temple with an old man walking around it saying mantra’s and making an offerings. (We found out later that this was a new car gift for the couple and the man was welcoming it into the family, removing evil and offering protection) after the man left we saw four limes smashed on the floor were the car once was (another way of removing evil).

We were told that we could take picture from outside the temple but once we entered inside the temple we could not. Surrounding the temple there were small rooms as with one big deity in each on well adorned with lots of flowers, mala beads, fruit, incense, ash…there was a Kali room, a Ganesha room, A Nataraja room. There was even a tree next to the temple that had many strands of sting circling it. Sak said if you are single and are looking for a man you take a sting and tie it around the tree…
Inside the temple was stunning; it is outside so there was a ceiling held up by many pillars and a few different small rooms in the corners of the temple and one big room in the middle. Just like outside these rooms were dedicated to certain deities. The ceiling was beautifully painted of scenes from The Mahabharata, The Bhagavad Gita, The Ramayana, the Upanishads… It was wonderful to look at the ceiling and somewhat understand what was going on. Sak was very impressed as I eagerly asked to see if I was understanding the scenes correctly. He would then explain just a little bit more so I could understand more fully.

I have studied and read these books many times and It was really nice going to something like this where I could feel all my love and knowledge bubbling up. He thought it was so cool that an American girl knew so much, he said do you study because it brings you happiness, peace, and makes you feel good. I replied “Yes!” As we were leaving the temple he said he knows someone who could burn me a copy of the Ramayana which is 30 DVDS. He also said he would find me some mala beads, and that I shouldn’t get them in Nadi because it would be too expensive and touristy. He also said his mom would make us some food on our next taxi ride.

We then went to a secret mud bath. Sak was very good at telling us what to do…cover your whole body, no white skin, dry completely (while drying he took pictures of us), re-enter the muddy water, wash off, then enter the hot holy water, step in little by little until you fully emerge yourself (face hair and all), don’t wash off again until you go to bed….(really quick summary, really fun, fabulous pictures to come on face book, even some muddy yoga shots)

As we were heading back to our hotel we stopped at the locals market. It was great, rows and rows of fresh fruit. As I was browsing an older man approached me trying to read my back. I told them what it meant. By now two men were there asking where I study, and so we were talking about Krishna. The old man’s eyes were filled of joy and we kept saying to each other “Hare, Hare Krishna” and “Ram, Ram”. It was so wonderful he then gave me two ripe bananas held them to his heart and with his eyes still full of joy gave them to me. It was such a wonderful moment, my heart felt like it was singing, even though we could barely understand each other we had the connection “Hare Krishna” and “Namaste”. The man left and we continued to look at the rows of fruit and as we were leaving the man came up to me again “Hare Krishna!” this time he gave me a whole bundle of bananas and he stroked my arms. Another wonderful moment B). Sak who witnessed this last encounter said that was a true blessing that I was very lucky, and it meant very good things. He said whenever a situation like that happens (a blessing) and you get touched, it is God touching you.

So wow what a wonderful day full of magic and love. As I look back over it I am reminded of The Bhagavad Gita. A simple narrated story about a young boy (Arjuna) deciding if he will fight in a war against his family and a conversation he has (with Krishna) while making his decision. All though this story sounds so simple it offers so much wisdom. For this story that the three ways to connect and serve Krishna (the Godhead). Through the body, action, karma. Through the mind, alignment, jnana. And through the heart, the will, attitude, bhakti.

In Anusara we use all three Karma, Jnana, and Bhakti both on and off the mat.
Hare Hare Krishna.

Fiji Day three...samyama

It was wonderful here. I broke my watch yesterday and so I have been on “Figi time” as the locals say. I wake up when the birds cheeps and the sun shines through my open window. I think it is around 5:30am. Today I woke up and walked down to the beach, sat on a rock and enjoyed the stillness of the morning. Waves crashing, birds chirping, breeze blowing, a few people strolling around and going to work. It was very nice.

Last weekend I finished the third Anusara immersion with Adam Ballenger. We talked a lot about the last three limbs of the eight fold path:
6.Dharana : Concentration and cultivating inner perceptual awareness
7.Dhyana : Devotion, Meditation on the Divine
8.Samadhi : Union with the Divine, absorption, bliss

We talked about how all The Sutras, and the other 5 limbs of the Eight Fold Path are all preparing you for the last three. When you practice the last three together it is called Samyama. Patanjali says in Sutras 3:4,5: “These three [dharana, dhyana, samadhi] together constitute samyama [unity or mastery], and from mastery of that [samyama], prajna [pure consciousness] is attained [as a permanent state].” Shankara said “Yoga can be effected even without going through the five limbs of yoga–by the mere accomplishment of the triad of dharana, dhyana, and samadhi. But without that triad yoga is not possible for anyone, because yoga is essentially associated with the operation of dharana and the other two. For the nature of yoga is perfection of the chitta.”

The last book of The Yoga Sutras talks in great detail about Samyama and different levels of Samyama. The practice of Samyama is takes a lot of practice. I asked Adam in our discussion “So how would I go home and start practicing this?” He laughed. But as I sat on the beach this morning being very aware of my surrounds as if I had 360 degrees of perception, yet at the same time my mind was still on this still, peaceful essence within myself (Shantaya) and it was as if I could feel my inner Shantaya pulsating (spanda) with the shantaya that I was surrounding by. And all though I could see a difference between the palm tree, the rock, the sand, the water, my foot…I could feel this unity. It was wonderful.

Then I went on a run. Now we are getting ready for a full day on a sail boat. Activities we are planning on doing include reading, snorkeling, finishing, kayaking, scuba diving, beach combing, yoga, breathing, smiling….

Fiji Day 2 (2 encounters while in the town of Nadi)

Encounter 1: As I was walking around an old Hindi lady motioned me to come over to her as I approached she stood up and tuned me around. She took her finger and started running it over my Sanskrit tattoo on my back. She started to sound out the words “LOKAH SAMASTA SUKHINO BHAVANTU”(May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.) is across the top of my back and the om is in the middle). She repeated it multiple times running her finger over the top line and the pocking me on my Om. She did this a few of her friends gathered around me. They were laughing and very happy. The lady then looked down and saw the Buddha tattoo on my shin and started saying “Buddha, Buddha!” It was great.

Encounter 2: I also had a nice connection with a man when I walked by a tourist store with many painting, and I pointed to a small one off in a corner and asked “Is that Hanuman?” The man’s eyes lit up and said yes. We then started to talk about the picture which depicts hanuman leaping over the ocean while carrying a mountain for Ram. We are going to go to this Hindu temple in a few days I am very excited.  

Fiji Day One

(I have limitted access so I will be posting in chunks :))

Yah so we are here in the beautiful northern side of Fiji in a town called Nadi. I love that it is called Nadi because it reminds me of the 72,000 nadis (subtle energy lines) that lay within the body. In Fiji there are three main languages spoken Fijin, Hindi, and Cantanies. Whenever I go to other countries I love learning the language of the culture. (I am planning on taking a Fijian language workshop while I am here). Although the majority of the people we meet our Fijin and greet us with ”bula” which mean hello in Figin. I love to respond by saying “Namaste” which is a Hindu term. But it is very fun for me to say this word that I normally only say at the end of a yoga class. Namaste can mean both hello and goodbye. However whenever I say it, to me it is a summary of the Anusara invocation:

Om Namah Shivaya Gurave: The sound of the universe (Om), I bow down, I honor and I offer myself to (Namah) to the Highest, the Auspicious one (Shivah), who is the weighty teacher, that is within my own heart and outside of me (Gurava).

Satchidananda Murtaye: Who assumes the forms of Truth, Reality, Consciousness, and Bliss (Satchidananda), this is the essence (Murtaye) of this Teacher that is within our own heart and that surrounds us every where

Nishprapanchaya Shantaya: This essence is never absent (Nishprapanchaya) and is full of peace (Shantaya)

Niralambaya Tejase: This one energy is completely free and does not depend on anything to exist (Niralambaya), and this essence is a radiant luminosity, and is sparkles from the heart (Tejase)

As I say Namaste to the people as a way to say hello or good bye, I am reminded of the Anusara invocation. Namaste is a recognition of the goodness, the inner light, that is always present and is full of peace within me recognizing that same goodness, that sparkles and doesn’t depend on anything inside of them. Namaste reminds me of the deep unity that underlies all the differences that we encounter.

Today we did lots of lying in the sun, enjoying lots of fresh veggies. I did a pretty intense asana practice in the sun, on the beach looking over the ocean. It was great. Lots of backbends, and really, REALLY deep lunges! I focused on deep lunges 90 degree angle at the knee working deep inner spiral while maintaining a low dorsal curve in the back (sign of thighs back).