Approaching Acceptence: Day 1: PAUSE

For the first day of Elena Brower’s 5 day approaching acceptance course we are told to pause and focus on the breath. I am learning that life is about relationships and the interaction that happens within that relationship results in either expansion or contraction. Life/ or the universe is either expanding or contracting we can see this as the seasons change, a heart beats, the ocean moves….

We are in so many relationships and all of these facilitate either expansion or contraction. One of the most important relationships we have is with our self and another important relationship we have is with Spirit/Divine/God/science. I believe practicing acceptance toward our self we can experience Spirit/Divine/God/science.

The idea with the day pause (as I understand) is that we are co participating in our experience with God. Yes there are going to be times when we contract that is part of the pulsation of life because everything in is relationship. One big way I contract is through judging my self, others, and pretty much everything. Rushing and doubting also cause contraction. Often when we feel a contraction we don’t like it and resist life even more causing a bigger contraction. Elena suggests that when we feel the contraction we pause. In that pause we accept what is happening this softens us and we expand!

Approaching Acceptance

I am doing Elena Brower’s five day Yoga a Course in living “Approaching Acceptance”. This is the second time that I am doing this course and I am very thrilled because I have made tremendous shifts in my life regarding acceptance. Before acceptance was a topic that I could only understand with my mind. Before when I went through this course I was very open to the idea of acceptance however I was also very much in my eating disorder. I thought if I could control my body and get it to a place I liked then I could accept myself, but until then I can still accept others.

Through my experience I now know that I have to be proactively nourishing myself and choosing more appropriate coping mechanisms and in this process I have to remain soft with acceptance and compassion for myself. But acceptance, for me, is not like flipping a switch it took and continues to take lots of work to stay soft, patient, compassionate, and optimistic. I know see how huge a barrier the eating disorder was for my ability to accept anything. I have heard the saying before “if you can not show compassion to yourself you can not show compassion to anyone else.” Before I tried to accept all the things around me but I continued to feel shame and guilt about the person I was.

Through hard work and support from others I am starting to understand acceptance and softness in a new way, I no longer understand it mentally but I can feel it with my whole being. I am learning to accept who I am. This means embracing my whole self including my past struggles and my shame and my guilt. When I fully accept myself in this way I feel a softness inside along with peace, joy and love.

I used to love the way I felt during and after in Elena Brower’s yoga classes (thank you yogaglo) yet she talks about softening a lot and softening was something I could just grasp mentally. Now through this opportunity that the eating disorder has provided for me I now see that softness is acceptance and acceptance is an approach of softness. Now as I take her class I love them to such a deeper level because every down dog and pose I do is an opportunity to soften and learn to accept myself. I can tell you the old saying is right now that I have acceptance for myself I am actually able to accept others too.

http://www.artofattention.com/yoga-of-living-course/

Thank You

I have been reflecting on my experience in yoga. I have been practicing for 7ish years, I have been teaching for 6ish year (I started my teacher training so quickly after finding the practice and I always used to be embarrassed about that but I am learning to embrace my shame).

6 months ago I decided to take a break from all my teaching jobs because I felt like I wasn't in an appropriate space to serve my students. I had a "breakdown" and admitted the truth to my self and my loved ones that i had an eating disorder and started working with a treatment team. Since all that I have been really resistant to my blog. I wasn't ready to tell the truth about the situation thinking maybe I would tell "the world" in a few years down recover.

This disorder which I was so angry about and disappointed in myself actually has become a blessing. Fir the past 6 years I have been really studying yoga and trying to understand the teaching, but through this recovery process I have learned so much about myself, life, and God. Before I could just barely comprehend some of the teachings of yoga and through this weird invitation I am learning to feel the teaching of yoga through my body and heart.

In a few posts ago I was so scared to do my "quick summary" of some of these big events in my life and I haven't received much feedback, but all of the feedback has been supportive and I am so thankful to all of you.

I am learning we all have shame and things we arnt proud of but the more we are secretive about our shame the more it can grow and stop some of the wonderful invitations life has to offer.  I am thankful for me (few :)) readers and my loving and supirotive family and treatment team

why practice yoga? a section I love from Anusara Teacher Training Manual

I am teaching a class at Avenues Yoga tomorrow! 8:30-10:00am I am very excited I have been wanting to teach at this beautiful studio for so long but told myself when the time is right it will happen. And it did my good friend and teacher Jen Hech suggested me to take over her class and I am so grateful for this :). I was looking through the Anusara manual as I gather my ideas for the class and I was reading this and it made me smile so I thought I would share it.

"there are two central spiritual purposes of hatha yoga:

1. Co-participating with God in making a spiritual art with the body.
2. Realizing our divine nature through the temple of the body.

The main intention of class is derived from these purposes. For example:

• Experiencing our innate goodness, joy, love, worthiness, or divine power through the poses.
• Doing the poses as artistic expressions or celebrations of one's spirit.
• Purifying the body/mind through hatha yoga in order to create a better vessel for god's love and grace.
• Preparing the body to sit more easily for meditation.
• Practicing hatha yoga just for the fun and enjoyment of it"

(Anusara Yoga Teacher Training Manual By John Friend pg60)

meditate 2x 20mins a day

Meditate 2x a day for 20 mins (min). Dont use any techniques. Just allow yourself to sit and be still. My meditation teacher told me this 4 months ago and I was very hesitant. Dont use any techniques I love pranayama, and mantra... I have decided through to surrender any resistance so I did this. It is hard to just sit and not use a technique because using a technique gives you some control and it is scary giving up control but when you do it is really amazing. My meditation teacher also reminded me that the first 3 levels of meditation are active mind really active, active, less active hehe i love this. Almost always when I sit to meditate my mind is active but I still just sit still and try not to engage the active mind more. Then I have started to experience really wonderful states of being when I allow myself to give up my control. I feel so much energy within myself sometimes i feel like joy is being poured upon me as if my body was a cup and there is so much joy it is overflowing the cup. Sometimes I feel so much love expesically on my chest and face. Sometimes I feel like I an submerged fully in an ocean of peace and surrender.

I have been going through some ruff times as I work with my treatment team to help me recovery from disordered eating. But I truly believe that because I have been taking the time to just be still and feel the divine energy in me, I really think it is shifting my attitude and I think that has made so much difference on my success in recovery. The more I sit and I feel that joy, love, surrender, acceptance however I feel the divine in that meditation session when get up from mediation and go about my life I still keep some of this yumminess knowing that I am full of this energy. No matter how the pulsation of life is going there is still intrinsic goodness with in my being

off to see the dietitian

update on me as a learn to let go of unhealthy habits

I haven’t blogged in a very long time and thought I would do a really quick update and there will be more to come. If you have read my blogs you might have noticing I was skirting around an "issue" of mine. Over a year ago I wrote one of my first blog entries about letting go of habits that don’t serve your higher self (http://authenticselfyoga.blogspot.com/2010/01/do-your-habits-serve-your-higher-self.html) When I said that I was also talking to myself. A few months ago I told my husband and family that I have been struggling with an disordered eating. Since then I have been working with a treatment team and things are getting much better.

I think we all have habits or patterns that we particularly struggle with and I think in facing those problems and shifting them is such an invitation and opportunity to get to know our self more and to engage life more fully. I think that is what yoga is. It is about learning how to respond to life situations in ways that connect us to our heart instead of reacting with a habit/pattern in my case engaging in my eating disorder because that does not connect me to my heart.
wow it is so nice to share this and not have it be a secret. Bad habits and patterns thrive when we keep them to our self.

Hoop dance